What makes a person "despicable" or "shitty"?

If they fell in a sewer I would say they are shitty.

A despicable/shitty person is all about themselves….only concerned about what they can get to benefit themselves and will do anything and everything to make that happen with little or no regard for who they hurt in the process.

Decent folks can also want things to benefit themselves but they do so in a fair and honest way and help out others in the process. Decent folks are not all about them and usually really good cooks willing to share their culinary prowess.

Lack of reliability and integrity.

I dated a guy who sneezed in people’s faces because he didn’t like getting his hands dirty when he covered his mouth. That sums up his entire personality. Think about it for a little bit and you could see how someone like that could be totally vile.

Integrity, or lack thereof. Fairness, or lack thereof. Pettiness (the bad kind), or lack thereof. And Charity, or lack thereof.

Yep, low intrgrity, self centered, users, passive aggressive, sneaky, manipulative, liars, you know, all the basic dysfunctions that make for fucked up personalitys.

A “despicable” person is one that always puts their wants and needs above everyone else’s. They will lie, cheat and steal to gratify their own desires.

A decent person is one that means well. If they borrow your car and wreck it, you want to hug them because you know if they could have avoided it without risking worse damage, they would have. A decent person will tell you that you have food on your face, not mock you to the rest of the group behind your back.

Essentially your perspective of them. If you think there is reason or you you feel a person has wronged you or has the asshole rep in the group it could be earned.. but also think that once they are aware of your disregard though they may not know why they will be on defensive and can act to further that impression.

What makes a person vile or loathesome could just be bad dynamics and inability to rise above them… While many people may sense judgement they might not know why it is triggered. Everyone has a story. And while there are people beyond helping or not in the right place to…. I think those people are less numerous then we would imagine.

@Unbroken In my experience, the fact is, very, very, few people ever embark on any self awareness work or understanding of their personality style and possible dysfunctions, triggers, poor communication style. It’s a rare individual that has any desire to pick up the mirror and reflect on their reflection, most just continue on their unconscious paths, never understanding when another takes issue with them.
Number one red flag, always blames others, takes no responsibility for how they might have contributed or set things up that way. Always the other persons fault.

@Coloma it is ideal when a person is a willing participant. For example. But I’ve had to work with a person such as you described.

I insisted on communicating with him, greeting him everyonce in a while listening to his stories or dumb jokes, sharing helpful info… addressing him when I had a problem. He started doing the doing the same.. when I had disagreed with him about the later I approached him and insisted we talk it out. Just doing that made a difference.

He didn’t change overnight, and it wasn’t fun to stick to my game plan but I got him not only to perform more of his job. But he approached me differently and he started doing the same thing with other coworkers with not as much success. Because he had been in the role of coworker asshole so long that everyone else resisted the change. I guess it really didn’t change too much of his nature.

I think he started understanding how to get good results from people and that involved treating them better. He no doubt did it for his own benefit but the outward result was the same.

It is much easier to catch those types of behaviors when people are younger and still forming a sense of self.

@Unbroken Agreed, and it is true, in changing out responses we automatically “change” the other as well.
I am currently dealing with a passive aggressive employer and refuse to respond to their under the breath mumblings and indirect “communication”.
It has become a game for me, and they too, are beginning to ASK me in a direct manner instead of going into mumble, helpless, rescue me without having to actually ask, mode.
Small victories, and at least I can laugh to myself when they go into their wounded bird routine… * Ooooh…sigh I GUESS I’ll just HAVE to do this MYSELF now.” lol

Guess so, if you don’t directly ASK I am not jumping to your lamentations and victimized moaning. haha

Oh geeze, that martyrdom routine is so exhausting. I’m glad your able to get through it and even laugh about it.

@Unbroken Isn’t it? OMG..as annoying as it is I can find humor in it, some times. haha

I’m shitty. :)

Hitler was pretty shitty.

Watch this 28-second video and you’ll know who’s despicable. ;-)

A shitty person is always worrying about what others are doing.

A decent person is always wondering what he can do for others.