[NSFW] Is being boinkable important to women or just men and frat boys?

Ease of getting sex is important to most men . For some women the ease with which they can gain something just for giving sex is important. Just ask Melania.
It’s been my experience that simple sex is available to me any time I want.

I’ve posted this answer here before, although some did not agree with me, and it is all moot. But, generally speaking, men are driven by their sexual desires (primarily) while women are driven by their need for security (primarily, in whatever form means the most to them.)

I have said that too but it’s even deeper and more primal.

Anecdote: ⅔ of my serious relationships have been “lust at first sight” from their end. As for me, I had no initial physical attraction and instead fell for their personalities (3/3).

However, if it’s just for fun, then it’s almost entirely about the looks. Interestingly enough, none of the “just for fun” guys have ever been able to hold my interest enough to consider something serious. So, I do think there’s some truth to conventionally attractive/less necessity to hone personality. which makes me wonder if I am in fact hideous, as I have a pretty strong and generally agreeable personality, lol

The question is whether you’re asking this of a person or of people.

If you’re thinking of women, as a representative of 50% of the population, you’ll get a completely different answer than if you’re asking @Seek or @Dutchess_III or @Coloma as a individual who happens to belong of that group.

Back when I was looking for a significant other, I was primarily concerned with whether they shared my religious beliefs, and whether I felt safe around them. Since I was being raised to essentially serve whoever ended up being my domestic owner, the most important thing was to attract the right kind of guy, and that was a way different checklist than I would have were I looking today.

If I were seeking a casual sexual encounter, no strings attached, I can’t imagine why a person’s bank account balance would make them more attractive, should they be otherwise undesirable. But then, I’ve never tried it, so who am I to knock it?

I speak for myself when I say that sex was not the first thing on my check list. I would say it was about 65th. Only if the other 64 were met would I consider giving it up. Even then I had to think and think until I decided. It was a purely rational decision since 9 times out of 10 there wasn’t that much physical benefit for me.

@Seek…funny! I was crafting my answer as you were posting yours. I didn’t see your response until I finished mine….and we both mentioned “check lists” LOL! When it comes to sex, what does a guy’s check list consist of I wonder!

Warm-blooded and willing?

hashtag stereotype.

#formanyseemsaboutright

Oh boy….

I cannot speak for all women, obviously, but maybe for once you could not assume the most shallow possible reason for every action for every woman????

It feels good to look good. Whether that “feel-good” feeling stems evolutionarily from its attractiveness to men or not is irrelevant. The feel-good feeling remains even if your goal for the day is not to turn men’s heads. This is what women mean when they say they’re doing it for themselves. It also just gives you a sense of feeling like you give a shit, you put in effort for that day, you’re not just a total lazy slob.

Do some women dress up to impress men? Sure. But not all. And even if they are trying to impress men, how does that make them a bad person in any way?

If I were talking to a man and found out midway through the conversation that he was a successful businessman, yes I’d be more interested, because that’s a new facet of their life and personality that I’ve just learned about. It implies courage and ambition and other positive traits. I’d also be interested if the person said they were a passionate artist, which is not a career typically associated with wealth, because again, a man having passion and drive towards anything is attractive.

Would some women care about the businessman because of his wealth? Sure. But not all.

I must say many Fluther Power Men don’t seem to be that way. I miss Addie.

Well said @Mariah. Thank you. But….to get back to the question…..how important is it to you if a man is “boinkable”? here. Let me help you up from the floor.

@Dutchess_III It’s been my experience that simple sex is available to me any time I want.
I would see that as a separate but related issue. Not saying it is you but a prostitute pretty much gets sex anytime she wants, even though not for pleasure. Any given woman can get sex depending on how low she wants to go act wise or men wise. Being desired not because one is the lowest common denominator is another story.

@Seek I speak for myself when I say that sex was not the first thing on my check list. I would say it was about 65th. Only if the other 64 were met would I consider giving it up.
Those who boinked a guy on the 1st date after a trip to Olive Garden had a shorter list or was able to process the list as fast as a computer hard drive to get to the ”boinkable stage” that quick?

The question is whether you’re asking this of a person or of people.
Since the article did not mention any demographic of women they considered, I would have to say the question is women in general with a personal input as to if a person believed the “findings” or not.

Since I was being raised to essentially serve whoever ended up being my domestic owner, the most important thing was to attract the right kind of guy, ….]
Who says the women are not the de facto owner? And if men are the owner does that mean women are the ball and chain?

@Mariah If I were seeking a casual sexual encounter, no strings attached, I can’t imagine why a person’s bank account balance would make them more attractive, should they be otherwise undesirable.
Going on what I have experienced or observed in life, I would guess it would be like why men want to know if she has children, if they only wanted her for the night so they did not have to ‘handle it”, why would they care? Because maybe they find something I n the other person that makes them want to rent the relationship for a longer term to see if they care to make a purchase.

I cannot speak for all women, obviously, but maybe for once you could not assume the most shallow possible reason for every action for every woman????
No, I am not assuming every woman or 50%, what percentage is not truly important. I have met women who have stunning and wonderful relationships with men who were not GQ model types, or have a grip that can choke a T-Rex, but they grew into love for those men and it was not ”love at 1st sight”.

It also just gives you a sense of feeling like you give a shit, you put in effort for that day, you’re not just a total lazy slob.
What of the women who after renting a relationship for a time or even making the purchase, stop dolling themselves up and just roll out of bed, pull their hair in a tail, toss on some sweats and say good to go, they don’t go as far as they did before they had him, but expect him to find them just as attractive and love them all the more ”just as they are”?

But not all. And even if they are trying to impress men, how does that make them a bad person in any way?
I would not say they were bad people, delusional or in denial if they try to say that is not one of the reasons they do it even if they have other reason.

For me, personality is the most important thing about a guy. A wonderful personality lights someone up from the inside. And an ugly personality can make an ugly person. Even for one-time hookups or whatever, I’ve known them long enough to be mentally and emotionally drawn in first. Once that happens, I find their particular looks endearing and attractive because it belongs to this person I like so much. In long-term relationships where my attraction faded, it was because I stopped respecting them first.

This also goes for platonic friendships and people from all other walks of life. Like, my neighbors are wonderful little old ladies who are always in a cheery mood and brighten your day. To me, they’re pretty because they have real, genuine smiles and touch the lives of people around them, and they just give off a friendly wholesomeness that makes you feel welcome. I think all of my female friends are really beautiful, but they’re always beating themselves up about their looks. EVERY woman I’m close to thinks she is fat. This is INSANE. It hurts to see these amazing women walking around thinking they are fat and ugly, and that they have to be thinner or prettier to be lovable.

Back to the mens, one thing that just totally slays me is a self-aware, self-deprecating dry wit. (Two of my biggest celebrity crushes are Louis C.K. and Jason Bateman.) Emotional maturity is a really big deal; some guys also have a steady, reliable demeanor and that is very sexy as well. If they’re nice to waiters and can talk about a book they read recently, those are good early tip-offs.

If I meet a new guy, I’m not especially thinking about banging him. It takes a LONG time for that to come into consideration. A lot of the time you meet a guy and he seems great at first, then you find out that he’s hotheaded, immature, secretly racist, a drug dealer, a disgusting slob, or some other personality thing that is a total disqualifier. A lot of guys don’t even clear that first hurdle. After that, you start getting to know them, and THEN MAYBE, there’s a chance for some chemistry and attraction to develop. Related, one reason that catcalling is so revolting is that it’s metaphorically an unwashed guy in cheetos-covered sweatpants suddenly showing you his dick.

So yeah, I’m not especially jealous about where I fall on the fabled 1–10 scale. Any guy who would use that, we are SO not the audience for each other. Taking that thing seriously shows that they’re immature, superficial, and they objectify women. Just like in Animal Farm, when some of the animals are “more equal” than others, having a standard like that says that men are “more equal,” or more human than women.

Like two ships passing in the night, it just wasn’t meant to be~

@Haleth Taking that thing seriously shows that they’re immature, superficial, and they objectify women.
How so? Is that not how people are groomed to choose things from the time they are toddlers? Get the largest one, get the newest one, pick the shiniest one, get the one less wrinkled, etc. If a group of people were on a business trip and had to travel from one location to another and was told there were cars in the parking lot for them to travel in, if there were two cars, one 7 years old with slightly fading paint and a bruised fender an another less than 6 months old, shining like a new penny with supposedly all the bells and whistle, which vehicle do you think most would angle to travel in? If it were discovered that the 6 month old car had windows that did not work, a harsh ride, and AC that was weak, it would be too late. If the other car had AC that would freeze Frosty, a soft pleasant ride and a good stereo those who thought they were getting a less quality ride would have gotten a better trip, but with stuff, items and the likes it is about get what looks better or is newer so why would that mentality go out the window with someone you want to eventually do something like have sex with, as if it were still special?

@hypo – you’ll have to ask the fascist, sexist, nonsensical windbags that run the United Pentecostal Church, International. I stopped trying to make sense of their jesus-babble a long time ago.

Women have the option of picking and choosing carefully. They tend to be more prone to look for the long-term but will sometimes enjoy a little fling. That said from experience looks matter quite a lot. When I was an average jerk off 18 year old ladies paid little attention. When I was in my early 20’s and in top physical shape from working in a lumber yard I often felt like I was beating them away with sticks. I get how women hate that because I liked the attention but I did not really respect any of them so I did not date much then. It kind of made me an asshole to be honest. A couple of years later with a tech job and a complete loss of that muscle tone it was back to “meh” from the ladies again. I met my wife during that time by simply hitting all of the check marks on her list and probably really not how “boinkable” I was. I have found that I’m not so much into looks either, It helps but not at the top of my list. I just need to come home to someone who makes me happier when they are there. It does not get any simpler than that.

Some of what you attributed to me was actually said by @Seek, but I assume that was just a mistake.

You said, ”What of the women who after renting a relationship for a time or even making the purchase, stop dolling themselves up and just roll out of bed, pull their hair in a tail, toss on some sweats and say good to go, they don’t go as far as they did before they had him, but expect him to find them just as attractive and love them all the more ”just as they are”?”

What is the point you’re trying to make here? I’d say it’d be an insult to men to say that once a man deeply knows and loves a woman, he still requires her to look her best 100% of the time in order to maintain his love.

Of course we all reach a certain level of comfort with our partners where we understand that they now know us and love us for more than what we look like, and that we are “safe” to be sloppy now and then without immediately repelling our partner. This goes both ways, too – the men can be sloppy too – and they often are.

We’ll still clean up for date nights. But we’re not going to go around our own house in heels and mini-skirts. It’s not comfortable and can’t be maintained 24/7.

He did the same thing with @Dutchess_III and me, @Mariah.

@Mariah Correct that is an insult to men. We’re not dogs. Once that deep respect and attraction is there it should not matter if your S.O. is dolled up or content with pj’s and notted hair. I’m a softy for the human side of people. Some folks are in love with their ideal and are basically shallow. Both genders are guilty of that.

Something that I have learned about HC is that he doesn’t believe, for one second, that women don’t respond to physical attractiveness in exactly the same way the men do. He honestly belives that when a woman sees a physically attractive man all they can think about is having sex with them. No matter what we try to tell him he just chuckles in tolerant amusement.
As to why a woman would have sex on a first date, there are lots of reasons, the least of which is for her own sexual gratification. Could be that she’s insecure and just looking for approval. Many men are very approving of women who are easy to have sex with. Until afterwards.
Could be that she’s a mature, self confident woman for whom sex has lost that mysterious, forbidden juvenile allure and her date is suitable for a night of casual, arousing wrestling even if she knew knows that most likely, in the end, she isn’t going to get as much from it (in the form of an orgasam sp. Spell check isn’t helping me with the word. Isn’t that ironic!) like the man will.

You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out what women find attractive in a man. Just hope to God that you have even a little of it, and consider that it might pay to emulate the behavior of those who do.

Women make love, us blokes fuck!
With women it’s the whole package that constitutes whether they are sexually attracted to a man, no, not that package ya saucy mare. With men, it’s nice tits, arse & yabba dabba doo!!

We know ucme. :(

Interesting. So men/frat boys only care about their boinkability?

You’d think more of them would try harder to be physically appealing if that was the case.

Many men appear to think the way HC does that women can’t WAIT to have sex with them. I can’t tell you how.many times total strangers would approach me with some version of “You know you want me!” Um. No. I don’t.

Well, when all your experience in social interaction comes from the first five minutes of the top ten videos on Pornhub…

Lol!

@ucme No, it completely depends on the mood.

I must have some sort of wiring defect, because hair in a tail, sweats good to go is just what I looked for. All that paint and the array of “enhancements” only confused me. And it’s a curious thing when at the outset of a relationship the woman you might have met in sweats and ponytail appears at the door “all dolled up”. While I am a sucker for beautifully tailored clothing on a woman, and scents can be enchanting, you can keep all the jangling jewelry, torture shoes, fake lashes etc. It just plain baffles me that women put up with it.

@Dutchess_III Something that I have learned about HC is that he doesn’t believe, for one second, that women don’t respond to physical attractiveness in exactly the same way the men do.
You think the opposite, I knew women did but were more selective. These days they are as much into hedonism as men, almost as someone said; so long as he is breathing and get it up.

He honestly belives that when a woman sees a physically attractive man all they can think about is having sex with them.
I have seen it enough to know it is true with a measure of women.

As to why a woman would have sex on a first date, there are lots of reasons, the least of which is for her own sexual gratification.
How is that apart from the same hedonism men apply to get their jollies?

Many men are very approving of women who are easy to have sex with. Until afterwards.
If she is just using him as a fleshly, breathing dildo, why would she care what he thinks of her the next morning?

Could be that she’s a mature, self confident woman for whom sex has lost that mysterious, forbidden juvenile allure and her date is suitable for a night of casual, arousing wrestling even if she knew knows that most likely, in the end,…]
Ant that sure is not making sex a mere commodity ~~~~~~~

Many men appear to think the way HC does that women can’t WAIT to have sex with them.
Around here, from experience, most men believe women are crazy passing them up because they think they are better than they maybe are. They believe most do not, or don’t think of having sex with them, and oif there is no boyfriend, there are a posse of girlfriends waiting to cockblock them.

@ucme Women make love, us blokes fuck!
Well, what women think is getting absorbed by the way men see it, only they still want to think it is more than a commodity so they try to include feelings in it, to make themselves seem lest wanton and primal.

@BellaB Interesting. So men/frat boys only care about their boinkability?
Those that are boinkable pretty much know it, those who know they are not do as well. Those who are not are trying to overcome that fact and boink someone of quality to tell themselves they are as good as the GQ guy and live out that dream.

@DrasticDreamer Of course it does, the wife rides like a shitting dog in the cold when the mood suits
My point, if one indeed was made, was promoting in general the “men are from mars…” theme

What a lovely comparison ucme
You’re just a peach.

Bahahaha…. Shitting dog in the cold. Love it.

@Dutchess_III No, but my arse is very much peach like
@Seek Woof Woof ;-}