Why is this hurting me now, and what can I do about it?

I’m the black sheep of my family. I’m not a horrible person. I don’t get drunk and cause trouble. However, I don’t toe the line and I speak up for myself. I’m only in contact with one of my siblings. The other two are incredibly close and we don’t talk. We had an argument a long, long time ago and after a number of occasions where I was excluded from family gatherings (while my children were invited), I said I didn’t want anything to do with them anymore.

I apologise for the length of this post, but it’s complicated. My mother died when I was a young child. My father remarried. However, I was not at the wedding. I’ve always known this. I remember the happy couple arriving to pick me up from another relative’s house. I’d been sent to stay there. All my siblings were at the wedding. I’ve asked people who were there (and my aunt) why this was, but nobody can tell me. I was seven at the time. My siblings were teens and one sibling was a lot younger. One person I asked, who’d thought I was there until they checked the wedding pics, suggested perhaps I was troublesome. However, I was little kid and I don’t think I was a horrible, troublesome kid and my aunt has always described me as being a great kid.

It’s been on my mind recently. I remember also being sent to stay with my grandmother on a regular basis. I thought it was because she was old and they wanted someone to be there with her. And now I’m wondering, why was I sent away?

I guess now I’m wondering why I was sent away, but also, why my father would have agreed with me being treated that way? I can’t ask him. He’s gone. It just feels incredibly hurtful to think that he didn’t want me about and/or he didn’t defend me from those who wanted to exclude me.

I’m not sure why this is suddenly hurting me OR what I can do about it. There is nobody else to ask to try to find out why this happened.