Heartbroken about the loss of friendships in my late-20s (Not sure if First-World Problem or legit.)

This isn’t my first post about this, so I apologize if this is hackneyed for some of you.

In less than two weeks, I’ll be 28-years-old. I always spend some time reflecting around my birthday and 2016 has been a tough year in many ways. With the exception of my significant other, I feel completely unmoored from those around me and totally alienated from my friends and family.

To some people, I seem to have it all. A loving and affectionate relationship. A comfortable, rent-stabilized apartment in Manhattan. An adorable cat. A successful side-career as a commercial print model. A social media feed full of tagged photos of me smiling in beautiful clothes and hanging out in nice looking places. People often describe me as “happy,” “glamorous” and “smart” although I feel anything but lately.

I’ve had some struggles. I’ve been seeking in-house employment in my field all year and making it into round two and three of my interviews only to be rejected. My partner’s family law firm is struggling to make ends meet, and he may have to take a substantial pay cut to keep the business running. His sister is also trying her best to sabotage him at every turn. We’re worried about finances and may have to put off getting engaged until things firm up.

My mom died four years ago, and I cut ties with my abusive father. I still have diagnosed PTSD and anxiety from that experience, as well as the rape and abuse I suffered from an ex I was seeing at the time. (Not to mention having my life threatened at gunpoint, but that’s another story.) Life hasn’t always been easy, but I’ve counted on my childhood friends just as they’ve counted on me.
Lately, I feel like my closest friends have turned against me and resent that I’m trying to be happy. Without rehashing the story ad nauseam, I recently tried to make amends with a dear childhood friend with whom I had a falling out earlier this year. She drunkenly lashed out at me after I told her that my partner and I were looking at engagement rings and we went very low contact for several months.

Apparently, it’s all my fault, and she won’t see her role in how things went down. Her last email was very negative, and I haven’t been able to respond. Not to mention, another one of our friends who has also expressed jealousy and competitiveness toward me seems to have taken her side—telling me that I “deserved” it, even though she wasn’t even there.

A third friend, a strict vegan who lives halfway across the country, called me a “vapid bitch” after she found out I had taken a job modeling fur (I’ve never represented myself as anti-fur so not sure why that surprised her, but anyway….) and hasn’t texted me since. So I guess that friendship is over too.

I’m not sure what I did to deserve this. All of these people seemed to like me better when I was fat. When I couldn’t get a boyfriend. When I lived at home with my parents 10 years ago and had no aspirations other than smoking pot and being their funny friend. Now that things are finally going my way—I feel like I’ve lost everything.

I’m not sure where to go from here. Do I try to repair these friendships or just let things fall where they may? I have no idea how to make new friends, and whenever I try, people get busy or totally flake-out, making me feel completely rejected. A lot of highs and lows I guess…

I don’t want to be one of those people whose only friend is their boyfriend. That’s never been my style, but it looks like that’s the direction in which I’m heading.