Yesterday, I helped bury one of my closest friends. It was the first time I’d ever been at an interment. First time I’d ever thrown dirt on a casket.

There will be all kinds of things done to memorialize him and to help us come to grips with his death, but there will be nothing, ever, to bring him back except our memories. I’ll miss him.

But it isn’t just death that separates us from people forever. Relationships gone wrong can also lead to a separation that will never be broken again, even though the person is still alive. There are living people that I miss in a similar way, because what was between us was so important. It had so much impact. And there’s no hope of having that again.

Do you think there’s a difference between these two types of never seeing someone again—via death or via an utterly complete separation with a person who is still alive? Do you always hope, in the back of your mind, for some reconciliation with a living person?

Do you hope for some kind of reunification with someone who is dead? If so, is that a reflection of a wish, against impossible odds, to see this person again, or do you really expect to see them?

What do you do? What if you are cut off from mourning, say because your relationship was secret. What can you do?