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poofandmook's avatar

(NSFW) How would I crochet at least a semi-realistic set of testicles?

Asked by poofandmook (17320points) November 10th, 2010
28 responses
“Great Question” (6points)

Yes, I am well aware of how absolutely insane that sounds.

However, one of my best friends is certifiably insane, and jokingly asked me if I could crochet a penis. I thought it would be hysterical to actually do it and give it to him for Christmas, since he probably thinks there’s no way in hell I could or would. So last night, I did it. I’m pretty darn proud of the thing, to be honest. But what’s a penis without a sack? I wanted to put something in there to make it feel more accurate, but I need ideas. It’ll be surrounded in polyfil and crocheted around.

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Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Why not just use a set of big blue Christmas bulbs? It’s festive! XD

lucillelucillelucille (34325points)“Great Answer” (0points)
CMaz's avatar

Like this?
or this?

CMaz (26303points)“Great Answer” (3points)
poofandmook's avatar

@ChazMaz: Too bad there’s not a pattern that goes with it… lol.. but I could probably figure something out. I wanted to put something inside of it though, to make it feel like testicles.

Also, mine is erect, comically large, and will include veins.

poofandmook (17320points)“Great Answer” (1points)
Cruiser's avatar

You could order up some Neuticles

Cruiser (40449points)“Great Answer” (0points)
CMaz's avatar

@Cruiser – What a great Christmas gift idea.

CMaz (26303points)“Great Answer” (0points)
Cruiser's avatar

@ChazMaz Would make for a great set of Worry Beads! XD

Cruiser (40449points)“Great Answer” (1points)
gailcalled's avatar

Here are instructions for a tiny drawstring bag.

http://www.learn-how-to-crochet.com/handbag-purse.html

gailcalled (54644points)“Great Answer” (2points)
Adirondackwannabe's avatar

A pair of tennis balls or ping pong balls might be a place to start. How many of you thought you’d see crochet and testicles in the same sentence today?

Adirondackwannabe (36713points)“Great Answer” (2points)
gailcalled's avatar

Google “pattern for crocheted penis warmer.”

And here’s an example on YouTube.

http://www.wonderhowto.com/how-to-crochet-penis-woolen-willy-warmer-aka-peter-heater-271959/

gailcalled (54644points)“Great Answer” (3points)
poofandmook's avatar

@gailcalled: Holy moly… I thought you were kidding. LOL

poofandmook (17320points)“Great Answer” (2points)
CMaz's avatar

@gailcalled – Good find.

Funny, said it would be a good “GAG” gift. lol

CMaz (26303points)“Great Answer” (1points)
gailcalled's avatar

My initials are GAC. When LLBean monogrammed a piece of luggage for me, it arrived saying, “GAG.” Bean said that they would redo it, but since I was amused, I kept the bag as is.

gailcalled (54644points)“Great Answer” (3points)
faye's avatar

@gailcalled perfect!

faye (17857points)“Great Answer” (0points)
CyanoticWasp's avatar

@gailcalled well of course you should keep it. After all, it was a “gag” gift.

CyanoticWasp (20271points)“Great Answer” (1points)
ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Will you be posting pics? I want one. A crocheted package, I mean.

ANef_is_Enuf (26839points)“Great Answer” (0points)
poofandmook's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie: I’m not sure if I can post a link to the pic here. And, I’m not sure I could get the head the same way again. I fought with it quite some time to get it just right lol

poofandmook (17320points)“Great Answer” (1points)
ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean for that to sound like I was asking you to double your work load. You don’t have to make me a penis, I just meant that it is something that I would like to have, in general. :)

ANef_is_Enuf (26839points)“Great Answer” (0points)
poofandmook's avatar

@TheOnlyNeffie: Oh, you didn’t. Believe me… I’m so proud of it that if I could remember how I did it, I would be cranking them out left and right (hehehehehe)

Here it is… NSFW!

poofandmook (17320points)“Great Answer” (4points)
janbb's avatar

@poofandmook I think you could be on your way to your first million if you go live with this.

janbb (62859points)“Great Answer” (3points)
poofandmook's avatar

@janbb: LOL thanks :)

poofandmook (17320points)“Great Answer” (1points)
JilltheTooth's avatar

The list in the pic would suggest you’re crocheting an entire man, body part by body part. If I gave you some wool would you make me one, too? ;-)

JilltheTooth (19787points)“Great Answer” (2points)
ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I’d like to upgrade my order as per @JilltheTooth‘s idea.

ANef_is_Enuf (26839points)“Great Answer” (2points)
poofandmook's avatar

@JilltheTooth: LOL I took the picture over another checklist for the Super Mario Brothers plushies I’m making. They are smaller than the dong when assembled. LOL

poofandmook (17320points)“Great Answer” (0points)
faye's avatar

@poofandmook very nicely done!

faye (17857points)“Great Answer” (0points)
chyna's avatar

@poofandmook Great job. But I am a bit concerned about the list of body parts that is in that picture.

chyna (51301points)“Great Answer” (0points)
poofandmook's avatar

@chyna: The pattern for those body parts is here lol :)

Wait til I post the finished product… I added veins this afternoon.

poofandmook (17320points)“Great Answer” (2points)
Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I don’t know about the other males on here but I cringe each time I see this question under questions I’m following. :)

Adirondackwannabe (36713points)“Great Answer” (0points)
chyna's avatar

@poofandmook Can’t wait to see, please share when you are done.

chyna (51301points)“Great Answer” (0points)

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