@YARNLADY – Fortunately I do have hiding places in the house! Long walks will help!
@Jeruba – I agree! Will be putting on my zen cap and practicing self-control as much as possible!
@rooeytoo – Agreed. I try almost always to treat them with such things in mind; hence why I’ve not drop kicked them to the curb yet!
@iamthemob -
”when they’re in our home, that’s when they have to learn to respect you.” – YES!
”…answer the question with a question. Why do you want to act like a man?” “Why do you want to act like a woman?”” – WILL DEFINITELY USE!! Great idea!
”Use the “my house, my rules” argument. Set the rules, and if they violate them, they get punished.” – Hmmmm, there will be Thanksgiving Dinner dishes to clean! Consequences not a bad idea!
@Kayak8 -
”I would give myself a threshold number which, after passing, I would talk to her about it. When you sit down to talk, you have real examples of her behavior to share, you are not in the heat of the moment, and you can tell her the score you gave the comment so that she gets that she is actually HURTING you…” – I like the idea of waiting and having concrete examples to give to my mom. I have a tendancy to say something in the heat of the moment. This idea will help!
@lucillelucillelucille -
”I think you should sound an airhorn everytime she says or does something you don’t like.” – LOVE IT!!!! This is my favorite idea!! I enjoyed sharing the idea with one of my friends, and acting act the possibilities!! Had us cracking up with laughter! Maybe there’s an iPhone app for that!!!
@Adirondackwannabe – I’m not hosed! In spite of their background, we do have some points of agreement and there’s some civility between us. They do acknowledge my partner and are respectful to her. Mom and Dad have come a long way since when I first told them I’m gay, it used to be a lot worse! I’m not without hope.
@Pied_Pfeffer – thanks for the words! Will actually paraphrase and use with my folks!
@CyanoticWasp – Thank you!
@misstrikcy – My Mom has family, not close friends. She does talk with selected family members, but I don’t know to what extent she talks about me.
@Simone_De_Beauvoir -
”have fun with the following: tell your partner all the things you imagine your mom will say to poke fun and then come up with some kind of rules for a game to come later: every time your mom says something from the list that you came up with, squeeze your partner’s ass and smile about it.” – PERFECT!! Lovely game to play, will find ways to implement it! Thanks!
@Aster – Thanks for the advice, will try to be mindful.
@Neizvestnaya -
”when your mom goes in for a side stab then fall silent, put on a blank face, blink dramatically for a few seconds then speak out with, “ok, now what was I doing/saying?”” – Another great idea! Thank you!
”You’re mom’s being a sadistic wench” – Well, this is where I get biker gang on you and anyone else who calls her names!! Watch it bub! ;-) Although, when I do share how Mom really acts, there name-calling reactions from others is pretty typical. :-D
@Joybird -
”I would simply state that she does not appear to be satisfied with how I turned out and ask her pointedly whom she would rather have for a daughter and what they person would look like in detail. Acknowledge her lost vision and her grief for what she thinks she will never now have. Acknowledge that in her mind she feels she has failed because you don’t meet her vision.” – I think this is a possibility! I would be careful to stay present as her daughter, and not as her friend or counselor. But, worth trying! Might bring some closure!