I’m like you in that my head kind of got crooked and I had no idea it was happening. Eventually it was pointed out to me that I was acting very strangely, and it turned out I was mentally ill. They prescribed drugs, and gradually my head became more solidly balanced upon my neck. At least, that’s what other people will tell you. I’m sure there are any number of people here who think I am much better off now than I was when I was not behaving the way people thought I should.
For me, it’s hard to see the change happening because it is so gradual. I can look back now, and see that I am quite different from then. Whether that is a good difference or bad one is a matter of debate. Yes, I’m more of a stable person, and I fulfill my responsibilities and I am not depressed all the time.
But I still have deep problems, and I don’t know if people have any idea what they are. I can control them. Presumably that’s due to the drugs, but I have no idea if I really need the drugs any more. And even if I did start acting erratically again, drugged or no, who is to judge my happiness? Maybe I like being erratic. Maybe it entertains me. Maybe I’m still self-destructive. I really don’t know.
I do like the stability, but I also like the tension and intensity of being in situations and not knowing how they will come out, or even if I will survive. Does that mean my head is not screwed on straight? What the hell is straight, anyway?