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josrific's avatar

Help in the morning with my Aspbergers daughter.

Asked by josrific (2575points) December 6th, 2010
9 responses
“Great Question” (5points)

I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter that has Aspbergers Syndrome. She has been giving me fits in the morning and I’m not sure what to do anymore.

She won’t use her words, she just cries out or groans. There have been times that she has become physical and has tried to kick or hit me. I’ve tried re-directing to little affect. And when my patience was gone I yelled at her. Yeah, like that helped. I even try to help her and me by helping her pick clothes for that day and even helping her dress. But she is too old for this in my eyes, but I’m not sure.

Can I get any advise? Thanks.

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CyanoticWasp's avatar

Welcome to Fluther.

We have had several people here who have Asperger’s, and others who have kids who have it, so maybe they can give you direct and first-hand advice. But I’m wondering, if this is a ‘morning’ thing (my kids are ‘normal’ and they were hell on wheels in the mornings, too), then maybe you could pick outfits the night before, if that’s a better time?

JLeslie's avatar

Yeah, my mom used to love the summer, because she did not have to deal with my sister and I in the morning, and we were “normal.” I hated the morning, and could be horrible. I was exhausted and grumpy. Hopefully, as @CyanoticWasp mentioned, some of our Asperger’s jellies will answer. Are you able to ask her in the afternoon, when she is calm, why she is so unhappy in the morning? Do you think she will be able to artculate it?

crisw's avatar

Do you have a particular morning routine and, if so, has it changed?

I presume you’re getting ready for school- has anything changed at school and is she doing well there? Could she be acting up because she doesn’t want to go to school?

nicobanks's avatar

Your daughter needs to recognize her morning problems before she can attempt to deal with them, and she’ll never be able to initially recognize them in the moment. So I think you should raise this issue with your daughter later in the day, at a time when she isn’t upset or particularly uncommunicative.

Describe to your daughter her morning-behaviours, and explain their ill effect on you. It may take going over this many times before your daughter starts to get it. Remind her about it just before bed so it’s fresh in her mind. Hopefully she’ll start to connect what you’ve been saying with how she actually feels in the mornings; then she’ll hopefully be able to manage her mornings better and suggest ways you can help her.

Picking her clothing out the night before might help, too. I do that for myself and I’m neither a child nor autistic – I just have bad mornings sometimes :)

I agree that she is getting a little old for you to help her with dressing, so you need to help her get to the point where she doesn’t need that help.

Good luck!

crisw's avatar


It would really help us too if you gave us an idea of how well your daughter can communicate verbally. For example, is she at a level where she can explain to you what’s wrong, when she is calm? Or is she pretty much non-verbal?

josrific's avatar

She can communicate and explain what’s wrong, but it’s difficult. She’s working on her speech (she has difficulty with R, L, SH, and TH) and because of the added difficulty of ADHD it’s hard for her to keep a set thought all the way through. Despite these problems, she can communicate but once again, it can be difficult even when she’s calm.

jerv's avatar

One thing that us Aspies have in common with “normal” people is that many of us are not “morning people”. I mean, how many people do you know that wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and have a screaming orgasm at the prospect of a long commute to a low-paying job, or another day of boring teachers? Where we often differ is how we display our displeasure. Impulse control is often one of our weak points, as is tactfully hiding how we really feel.

I concur withte laying out of the clothes the night before. I’ve been doing that for… well, most of my life, and it makes my life easier when I don’t have to think while tired. I’m already pissed off by the alarm clock, so why make life harder on myself by having to go digging through drawers first thing in the morning? I face enough frustration trying to understand otehrs or be understood during the rest of my day that I just don’t need that shit, and I’m sure that your daughter faces similar frustrations, especially if she has speech issues. Part of why I mellowed out was speech therapy in my youth. I may still confuse people with my choice of words, but at least I enunciate.

pakngo's avatar

Hello. Try to remember back to a “good” morning, Has anything changed since then with regard to activities following her getting dressed and washed up? Perhaps your daughter now associates dressing with facing something that she dislikes or fears? For example, leaving familiar or comfortable surroundings…

SpatzieLover's avatar

It’s time for a routine to be placed here. If you need photos to have her see what a non-hectic morning looks like, then take one. (Ideally it would show her outfit laid out, her toothbrush ready, her backpack and shoes by the door-etc).

I am wondering how her sleep pattern is. Does she take Melatonin prior to bedtime? Is she sent to bed at the same time each night? Does she have a sound machine or meditation CD to fall asleep too?

My husband get his outfit ready each night. He has it hanging in the bathroom ready to go. His laptop bag is ready with his seasonal jacket/gear at his downstairs desk. His watch is there ready to be put on. He has his workout clothes bedside, so he can get up, get his work out clothes on and go do his walk/workout. Then he comes home, showers, dresses and is ready to go.

My son: He takes his melatonin and evening supplements right before bed. He has a sound machine on (kinda loudly) so he can sleep/fall back to sleep all night long. I have his outfit waiting for him in the bathroom.
He falls asleep to soft music.

You need to create the evening/morning routine, then stick with it and do not deviate from it on the weekend.

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