General Question

prolificus's avatar

Regarding any aspect of your sexuality, what did you choose?

Asked by prolificus (6583points) December 8th, 2010
24 responses
“Great Question” (11points)

Is it absolutely true about humans, the lack of choice pertaining to sexuality (desire, orientation, expression, etc.)? Is there any aspect of your sexuality present as a result of your decisions or actions?

If so, what and how? If not, why?

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Response moderated (Unhelpful)
absalom's avatar

I chose to accept it.

El_Cadejo's avatar

I didnt choose anything about it. I was born how I am, simple as that.

marinelife's avatar

No, it was not a choice. I was born this way.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I hadn’t thought about it, but I’ve had absolutely no choice in the entire matter so far. I’ve been a hetero male from day one, whenever that was.

MissAnthrope's avatar

I wish I could give you more lurve. This is a really fantastic, thought-provoking question. I’ve been sitting here thinking, but I think I need more time to ponder and maybe other people’s responses will jog my memory.

Thinking over my life, I’m not really sure I had much choice in the matter. I mean, I had crushes on girls years before I even knew what sex was and that never stopped. I was in complete denial about my feelings forever. Like, I thought what I was feeling was admiration, wanting to be the person, thinking they were super awesome, maybe wishing they were my big sister, or whatever. Actually, I just had a personal epiphany.. I think my alexithymia made it really difficult for me to figure out that what I was feeling was not normal “friend” stuff. But I’d always felt it toward girls, so I thought it was normal.

I spent most of my life trying to be a good straight girl. I stuffed down the feelings for girls, for the most part, and threw myself into boy chasing and being boy crazy. I really didn’t understand why everything, every fiber of my being, made me want to run away and not look back. I never had a boyfriend, never went on a 3rd date with a boy, etc.

Thinking about the aspects of my individual gender and my attractions.. I can’t think of a single choice I made about it because it’s just me. I’ve always been me and trying to figure “me” out, but I can’t change integral portions of “me” any more than a pig can decide to fly.

ANef_is_Enuf's avatar

I didn’t choose my sexuality, but I chose to marry a heterosexual man. As for my sexuality, I don’t feel that I had any choice in the matter. I’m not sure how I could have had a choice, unless I squashed any feelings that arose. I never felt a need to do that, though. I have chosen not to vocalize or act on those feelings, but that hasn’t changed anything about what I feel or who I’m attracted to.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@MissAnthrope That must have been extremely difficult. I know how strong my attraction to women is, and society accepts that. But think if the opposite was true, and I get an idea of what you went through.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I chose what to call it, I chose who to be with (even if it’s seen inappropriate), I chose to see its fluidity.

BoBo1946's avatar

No, I didn’t have a choice.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Well, more than once I’ve chosen to “stifle” it. And way, way more than once to – ahem – choke it.

everephebe's avatar

No choice, not even wiggle room which some people are lucky to get. But then again, maybe I haven’t met the right person to change my mind. Doubtful though. I do think that society plus my natural inclinations led to a hard-wired sexual “preference”.

All I can choose, is to consent or not.

tinyfaery's avatar

I didn’t choose my sexuality, but I did choose to be in a gay relationship. The person for me happened to be a woman, it could just have easily been a man.

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Smashley's avatar

What does “choice” mean? I didn’t choose to have somehow developed the ability to find men, women and all genders in between sexually desirable, I just do. When it comes to the specific people that I find desirable (those I actually pursue) it could be said to be a matter of choice. Sure! I could have sex with this person, and probably have a good time, but I’ve learned that sex comes with baggage, and my experiences tell me that pursuing the person isn’t worth it. Is that choice, or an unchangeable characteristic?

My preferences now are quite different than when I was first developing my sexuality (though a few special things remain.) My path to those preferences has more to do with the choices that I have made and the experiences that came from them than what I was “pre-programmed” to enjoy. I had a long relationship with an emotional, domineering, insecure woman that ended in my utter heartbreak. Now I find myself more attracted than ever to women who are even keeled, submissive and self-confident. Am I “choosing” this attraction because I know what happens with women who don’t have these qualities, and I’ve chosen that my next parter will be as unlike the last one as possible? Or have I been “re-programmed” to judge suitability of mates based upon different criteria, given a new dataset?

Is this really choice, or are these the only things I could have done, and the only preferences I could have developed, given my background, my genetics and my experiences? Who the hell cares? To me “choice” is just a convenient word for an uncontrollable, instinctual action that the brain took slightly longer to figure out.

Sure it’s nature, and it’s nurture, and it’s a choice, and it’s not.

klutzaroo's avatar

I didn’t choose anything other than to be comfortable with expressing it.

downtide's avatar

I chose to accept being bisexual, and I chose to accept being in a long term relatinship with a man.

Pied_Pfeffer's avatar

The only thing I’ve chosen is to be faithful to my partner, and I’m not even sure that is the case. I’ve always been loyal in any relationship. It’s as if once in it, a switch has been cut off for looking elsewhere. My partner need never worry about my being unfaithful.

DominicX's avatar

I chose to accept having an uncommon and oft-loathed sexuality and I chose to come out. I chose nothing else. I’ve been this way ever since I first felt sexual attraction. Trust me, at that age, I thought I would grow into being straight; I wanted that. It never happened. And I fine with it.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I chose to date and have relationships with only men. I had to ask myself at one point through the haze of my attractions, flirtations and swirling chaos if I could give up men forever in order to settle with a woman and the answer was no. After that then it just seemed silly and unfair for me to contemplate going anywhere relationship wise with a women. I’m comfortable with my decision, I don’t have to deny my attractions but I definitely choose my actions.

YARNLADY's avatar

I chose to accept who and what I am and to be happy about it every single day for the rest of my life.

squirbel's avatar

I chose to be abstinent until marriage.

Once married, I chose to be more outgoing in sexual matters.

IchtheosaurusRex's avatar

I chose not to have one night stands – regrettably after the first. As a young man, like most young men, I did a good deal of thinking with an organ not suited to the task. I didn’t understand that it could lead me into a situation where the physical pleasure was less than I had expected, but the emotional consequences were most unpleasant indeed.

After that incident, I chose my partners based on whether or not I wanted to make something out of the relationship. That was the best choice I ever made.

Ajulutsikael's avatar

I didn’t choose and in a sense I don’t care. I’m not bent out of shape in a sense on my path. The only thing that really bothers me is that I don’t really consider myself bisexual until I’m officially with a girl. I know I’m attracted to women, it’s just I have never found one that I really want a relationship with as of yet.

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