I endure this battle with self-hatred. I am much further down the road now than I was three years ago, thanks to some pretty heavy counselling. It originates in childhood from being abused and was reinforced by more abuse. But I am learning that my attitude to myself is paramount in healing myself. Learning to listen to what I am feeling without judgement, but with love and compassion is key, although not very easy a lot of time.
I find myself caught in a web of destructive emotions about other emotions and having emotions about past memories which affect how I feel in the present day. I have to appeal to a higher self…my inner-parent if you will, to get me out of it…. sometimes though I just have to sit with the way I feel.
I think ultimately this happens because I have been taught that I am selfish and should think about others more and because of the rebellious things I have done in my life, and some distasteful things I have done…all that stuff needs forgiveness and understanding too…from myself. Tis not an easy road to tread…. and I feel it will be a lifelong commitment.