@Dutchess_III I don’t think an attempt at understanding behavior has to be an attempt to excuse the behavior. Whatever the cause/reason, it’s still wrong and the person who does wrong is responsible. But if we never look deeper than that, how can we prevent it in the future? I think encouraging your kids to look at more than one side of a story is good for them.
Example: My daughter used to have a boy in her class who always seemed to get into trouble. He had “anger issues” according to my daughter this was second grade and met with the school counselor regularly. Still, they were friends and usually got along well. She invited the boy to her birthday party. It was a painting party at my husband’s studio and this boy’s mother came along. She was the only parent to stay for the duration of the party and she spent it sitting right next to or behind the boy, constantly telling him what to do and what not to do. He didn’t cause the least bit of trouble, but she harped on him non-stop. When the kids started painting, she told him what colors to use and exactly how to do it, then took the paintbrush from him and painted his project herself. When my daughter and this boy later had a falling out because of his aggressive behavior at school, she said to me, “I’d be angry all the time too if you never let me do things for myself and always nagged me, but I wouldn’t take it out on my friends. Just because he’s mad at his mom doesn’t mean he can hurt people. Sheesh.” She felt sorry for him and actually tried to be a good friend to him beyond what other kids would because she had some insight into what his life was like beyond school. She could be understanding without accepting or liking the negative behavior.