Some years ago, I used to play in a polka band. We did covers, traditionals, and originals. A lot of polks is about binge drinking and overeating, so I wrote a song that took this bodily abuse to the highest level. It was played in the key of C. Had a happy, peppy feel to it, and as it was being played, we’d use noisemakers, howl, laugh, and make it sound fun and casual (Not unlike Barbara Ann by The Beach Boys). Most polka has this feel to it, like unrestrained partying. People would dance, drink, and have a good time. We worked had at perfecting this, and played it twice…. It’s called “The Happy, Happy Polka”.

I’m gonna sit right here and sing my song.
Promise that is won’t go on too long.
I practiced, practiced, tried real hard, but just can’t get it right
Maybe I’ll just commit suicide.

I met a girl named Belinda.
Kissing her felt like a sugar rush.
But I went too far, too fast, too soon, now she’s out of my life.
Maybe I’ll just commit suicide.

I like to watch sports on my TV.
My favorite team is so easily beat.
They never score no runs, no points. Never get to cross that line.
Maybe I’ll just commit suicide.

It goes on for 3 or four more verses. But both times, by about this point, people stopped dancing, stopped eating, stopped drinking. By the end, both times, they just stood there staring like that scene in Back to the Future. We played at parties and really thought they would get the humor this song was supposed to be. Nothing like all your hard work being met with stunned silince.. But how would you react? Especially since nobody seemed to object to songs about boozing or rejecting a girl because of her weight (Too Fat Polka).

Topics: music, songs, humor, polka, party fun