Social Question

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

How are you? Really. [2]?

Asked by Hawaii_Jake (34073points) March 9th, 2011
78 responses
“Great Question” (22points)

Six months ago, I asked this question and got some very candid answers. It seems that it struck a nerve.

We hear the question “How are you” throughout the day, but no one really expects to hear how we’re really doing. Few people want to know about your cold or your tired feet or your money worries.

Here is your chance to unburden yourself. Please, tell the collective how you’re really doing.

As for me, I have money worries, but I have a roof over my head and food in the cupboard. I have health concerns, but I have medication to help with that. I have one adult child who’s rudderless, and two teenagers who are doing beautifully at school. I have no love life to speak of, but I’m taking that in stride. It’ll happen when it happens. In short, I’m okay.

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nikipedia's avatar

You’re amazing.

I know that’s not what you asked, but it’s my answer anyway.

Bellatrix's avatar

You ARE pretty amazing Mr Jake. You ask the best questions. I always like your questions. They are thoughtful and show your deep approach to life. You have a good attitude too. I can so empathise on some of what you have said. There are a few parallels. How am I? Right now bloody tired frankly and very glad to be home. I too have a few health issues to deal with but really, in the whole scheme of things I am good. I also have two children who are doing beautifully, and one who is finding his feet. It is frustrating and I am having to take a tough love approach to his behaviour. It is exhausting and he makes no freakin’ sense most of the time. I love him though and I have absolute faith he will improve as he becomes more mature. I do have a wonderful partner and I am very blessed for that and while I have a very busy job, it is a good job and I am very lucky to have it too. I have extended family visiting in a few months and I want my house to be finished by then (renovations happening). That is bugging me because my beautiful partner likes to take his time about these things. Still, I have a house and I can pay my bills so I should be thankful.

Hugs Jake… sometimes you can just sense when a person is a good sort. I think you are a good sort.

shego's avatar

You are amazing, and don’t let anybody say your not.

As for me, I’m tired, I can’t sleep. I’m up for 24–36 hours at a time. I’m still looking for a job, and stressed out.
I feel lonely even though I’m not, and I miss my mom.
But I am still volunteering at a homeless shelter. I have now finally taken time to try to put my life back on track.
I can only pray, and take my life one day at a time.

And as for you @hawaii_jake we love you.

downtide's avatar

{agrees with everyone else about @hawaii_jake being amazing}

As for myself, I’m pretty good. My partner is out of work but he’s getting lots of nibbles and interviews and I don’t think it will be long. If worst comes to worst we have enough in savings to get by until nearly Christmas, so at this stage we’re not worrying.

Counting down to my next appointment regarding my transition. It’s only a month away now and I’m getting nervous. All the years of waiting are almost at an end. I still need to tell my parents. That’s going to suck.

augustlan's avatar

What a lovely question. Thanks for asking it!

I’m a bit down, and for no good reason, really. I think I just need spring to finally get here.

Odysseus's avatar

Delighted that We have our second child on the way, Amazed every time I think of where I am in comparison to where I was in the world and a bit pissed off and worried about the future now Ive been confirmed to have rheumatoid arthritis at 32yrs old.
Hopeful for the future (that I have a big strong son on the way who will push me around in my chair and take me fishing, lol)

bunnygrl's avatar

<hugs @hawaii_jake> I agree with my fellow jellies, you are amazing <hugs some more> and this is such a lovely question.

@Odysseus <hugs> I’m sorry to hear that honey, I’ve been attending hospital with RA since I was 36 or so, it’s a bummer, the important thing to try to remember on the really bad days (which you’ll already know are a bit like spending the day in hell) is that it does ease off (even if its only for a little while) eventually. Sending hugs honey <hugs> xx

As to the question, well mostly things are ok except the RA is seriously trying to turn me into a human pretzel, so I haven’t been able to sleep properly for the past three nights, I’m so far beyond exhausted and I’m back to work tomorrow. In my next life I’d quite like to try being a healthy person lol. Looking forward to hubby getting home from work tonight, have planned a nice dinner for him, he works so hard and spends the rest of his time worrying about me, in the meantime I have a furbaby to hug, so life is ok. Hugs honeys xx
<wanders off to hug baby Jade>

flutherother's avatar

I came back to the UK after a catastrophic marriage with no job and no home and a very uncertain future. Three years later I am back on my feet with a job and my own flat. My daughter graduates this summer and my son owns his own business. Knowing what it is like to have next to nothing I am very grateful for what I have.

SuperMouse's avatar

I am doing pretty doggone good – thanks for asking! I am getting married the week after next to the one I have waited for my entire life. I am incredibly lucky to have found my other half who just happens to be one heck of a guy and will be the most amazing dad to my boys. Life is pretty hectic right now but it is a good kind of hectic and there is an end in sight. So all in all I am doing well.

…and yes Jake rocks!

BarnacleBill's avatar

I’m worried about household repairs that need to be made that are going to be expensive as they involve the house foundation, settling and drainage issues. Not sure how I’m going to pay for it, but I couldn’t sell the house without fixing them. Everything is like a domino effect.

As if working 50 -60 hours a week isn’t enough, more work has been added. No raises this year, again, despite the company having a profitable year.

On the upside, I’ve taken on a project at work and am going to learn two new applications. Is that good news? Yes and no. I have to learn them on my own time, with no training.

janbb's avatar

On a more even keel than i have been for some time and – dare I say it, happy. The mix seems to be enough right now and I’m rolling better with some of the punches.

“For us, there is only the trying, the rest is not our business….”

—T.S. Eliot

Seelix's avatar

Things are okay. I’m waiting to hear about my acceptance into the PhD program (I was waitlisted) for September, so that’s weighing on my nerves quite a bit. I have a ton of schoolwork and not enough time (or drive) to do as thorough a job as I would like. No one ever said grad school would be easy, but no one told me it’d bring me back to the brink.

But my family and friends are healthy, my dad is in his last few weeks of work before he retires after 42 years practicing dentistry, my sister is planning her wedding, and my best friend is loving raising her 4-month-old son. So even though things for me are pretty hard-core right now, at least I don’t have the added worry about how things are going for the ones I love.

P.S. @hawaii_jake – You truly are great.

KateTheGreat's avatar

Right now, I’m feeling under stress. With 4 majors and a few relationship problems, I’m feeling like I’m going to burst. I have so much work to do. I’m reconnecting with a few people from my past and I don’t know exactly where it is going to go. My mother is suffering from an abusive relationship and I can’t be there for her since I’m in college. I just wish things would get easier.

syz's avatar

I’m super, thanks for asking.

Stressed, overworked, I don’t feel like I have time to exercise, I don’t feel like I have time to do projects around the house (hell, I don’t feel like I have time to clean the house), but I suppose that’s all good news – I have a job, I have a home.

syz (35649points)“Great Answer” (5points)
Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I feel like shit. My shoulders ache from shoveling snow, I may be getting the cold my lady has been suffering through for the last two days, and I’m worried about Jude. I’m overworked and overstressed and my internet is giving me fits. Other than that everything is fucking great.

OpryLeigh's avatar

Like you I am a little worried about money and, because of this, I can’t help but worry about the future. My health seems to be good (although I do have a headache right now) and, in general, my state of mind seems to be ok. Not perfect by any means but I am happy with just ok for now.

ucme's avatar

I was thinking along these lines the other day. If you were to ask the average brit in the street how they were they’d more than likely say, “not bad” or “can’t complain.” Suggests a touch of negativity to me. I’m abosolutely spiffing old chap, jolly good show :¬)

Jude's avatar

I slept really well, and I’m having some good coffee right now. It’s raining, but, it is supposed to warm up today. I did some thinking last night, and I know what I have to do.

Overall, I feel pretty good.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

I have shingles and it really hurts.
My trust was betrayed by a friend yesterday and that hurts more.
Other than that,not bad.;)

Jude's avatar

Lucy-loo, bigass hugs coming your way!!!!!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I retract my whiny answer. Hugs as well to you all.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@Jude -Thanks,but I am contagious.I don’t know why,but that just made me laugh ;)

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille You can infect me any day. :)

wilma's avatar

I am having an arthritis attack and it’s hard to get in and out of my chair, but I have a lot of work to do, so not moving isn’t an option. The work to do will probably be the saving of me, because I need to move or I will no longer be able to. “If we rest we rust” I have to keep tell myself that.
My SADD is in high gear right now, grey skies and cold freezing rain are taking their toll.

On the other hand my family is healthy and there are no major catastrophes happening right now.
I am happy.

Thanks for asking!

nebule's avatar

crumbling a little at the edges :-/

Summum's avatar

I too am impressed with @hawaii_jake. You are usually an up person and your answers often thoughtful. How do I tell you how I am? I guess how I am is unable to convey to you things I have experienced and how I’ve been told to share with everyone. Often times I feel inadequate to explain things better in a more understandable way. I didn’t ask to have these experiences but a few years ago it began after having been brought back from passing on. I wanted to stay on the other side but was told I couldn’t. Anyway Thanks for asking and Hugs to all of you.

TexasDude's avatar

Glad to hear you’re hanging in there, Jake.

Honestly, I’m rather blank. Last week was manic for me. I wrote a bunch of great poems (according to a friend that works for the school literary magazine, professors and students alike were swooning over my writing, as well as my photos I submitted. One girl said she wants to find out who I am so she can marry me, haha) and a bunch of people were coming out of the woodwork to tell me they were in love with me at one point, or I was the only guy to ever tell them they were beautiful and that meant a lot to them, and all this other stuff that may or may not have jerked a tear or two from my eyes. I was feeling good.

This week has been the downswing for me. I’m getting fed up with school and I’m feeling uninvigorated and apathetic about pretty much everything. It also doesn’t help that I’m being buried under the full weight and fury of a lumbering, soulless, vengeful bureaucracy that is eager to “make an example of me.”

These two weeks have canceled each other out, leaving me with a flat affect.

peridot's avatar

@hawaii_jake. Yes, thank you for asking this and meaning it! It’s amazing how often this question is asked in an unctuous manner.

Life’s being interesting. My laptop took a dive (FileVault apparently is a bad thing); I’m writing this on my smartphone and am discovering it’s a damn quirky process. My system (including pictures, bookmarks, etc.)may very well be dead. I had to drive over 200 miles to get it to a repair guy, and discovered my car’s having trouble. I’m unemployed (was using laptop and car to job-hunt), and am handling my mom’s estate, which is in probate. I recently disovered I’ve got a potentially fatal medical condition.

The nutty thing is, I’m doing relatively okay with all this. I’m a worrier, and have had hardcore agita over far less. Guess I’m finally internalizing the concept that chaos = opportunity! Beats hell out of stressing oneself stoopid about things. ;)

MilkyWay's avatar

awww, great question @hawaii_jake ,,, I’m not so good right now, as I’m going to have an operation soon : 3
Hope you get over your money probs soon though.
oh , and @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard…. about that girl wanting to marry you after reading your poetry…. I do not blame her at all….

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I am pretty tired. These weeks have been exhausting. I am trying to move away from some toxic people and am in a burgeoning relationship which might end up hurting me (but hell if we don’t get close enough to burn, we’ll never feel the fire). I am worried about Alex still not having a job. If something doesn’t come through soon, we won’t be able to keep one of our kids in a very expensive pre-school. I have been taking a lot of days off lately for health reasons and this month promises more, because I am taking care of my mom with her Hep C and have to be there for all the biopsy and follow up appointments. Nonetheless, I am lucky.

mammal's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard dangerous road to go down if your state of mind is pinned to your accomplishments and peer acknowledgment. Not that encouragement isn’t nourishing, just saying Sometimes it’s just nice to wake up in a tingly mood for no good reason.

Scooby's avatar

Spot on me, no problems….. Just about a week into my new position with work & loving every minute, at the moment, still waiting to see how it all pans out but I’m really quite optimistic for a change, they say “change is as good as a rest” …. Home, well same old routine, I love routine ;-) it’s all going great, so far so good…….

Summum's avatar

I would like to say how I am now. Thanks

I want to say thank you to so many of you. I find very intellegent and eye opening thoughts and answers here. I appreciate most everyone here and their thoughts and responses that help me understand things better than I did before. Thank you all and a big hug to you all.

TexasDude's avatar

@mammal, I know what you mean, and it used to be what I based my self-worth on when I was younger. This sort of encouragement wasn’t what my happy-streak was completely based on last week, but it did help.

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Facade's avatar

I’m very hungry so I have a headache, stomachache, and backache, but I want to get as much schoolwork done as possible while I’m in the mood, so I’ll eat later. I’m kind of dreading calling my dad to say hi, but other than that, I’m just fine. It’s nice to be just fine; I like it.

Jude's avatar

@noelleptc Sounds lovely. Minus the hangover.

gailcalled's avatar

Grateful. While recovering from stomach flu, I slipped on the ice and fell down several steps on Sat. What a relief to only be sore, bruised, discolored and unable to raise my arms over my head or sleep on my right side.

When I think of all the people here in casts, I am slavering with happiness.

wundayatta's avatar

My experience recently has been similar to @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard.‘s I’d been feeling good for a few weeks. I’d received a very nice comment on some of my writings. Then last night, I got some bad (personal) news—a huge take-down for my sense of self and a pretty damning thing for my sense of judgment. (Like no one should take my advice any more damning).

I couldn’t sleep all night, and I have been in a lot of emotional pain today.

I suppose I don’t have to have the reaction I am having, but I do and I don’t believe there is anything I can do to have more acceptance of this news. I’ll probably be in a fairly depressed mood for a while.

tranquilsea's avatar

@hawaii_jake you have a beautiful soul. There aren’t many people like that out there.

Me? I’m tired. I’ve had endless stress for three solid years since my mother died. I may or may not be going to testify in my sister’s child custody case the lawyer still needs to get back to me. My oldest sister, who I’ve been very close with, is busy slamming me with everyone who’ll listen all because I was asked to be my head injured sister’s trustee and I didn’t ask her to be a co-trustee. I miss her but I am also really pissed that she is treating me in such a shoddy way.

I have many people who depend on me and it wears me down. I think I need to get away for a few days but I don’t have the money to do so.

So, I’ll continue seeking ways to escape without leaving my house. Fluther helps, as does Netflix and reading.

RareDenver's avatar

Worried about my stepmother who has just had surgery yesterday to remove a cancerous tumour

josrific's avatar

MANIC BABY! Brain won’t shut up, can’t stop moving, stuttering, getting flustered easy, not wanting to take any meds to calm me down because I like the natural high. But frustrated that I probably should so that I don’t get too high and then ALL my meds will be raised so that I can get back down from possible hallucinations. I have probably given everyone here too much information. Sorry.

Working more on my health. I’ll workout like a madwoman while this mania is going on and then swing and feel like eating a whole bag of Kettle chips.

Mental health…it sucks in all different ways! (but right now I’m liking it. Maybe I’ll write or play the piano or take pictures or read three books at once and then gargle peanut butter while balancing marbles on my nose at the same time!) I’m enjoying everyone’s answers, very eye opening.

RareDenver's avatar

@dubsrayboo you sound like my brother rapid cycle manic bi-polar disorder anyone?

Aster's avatar

I bounce between feeling like total crap to feeling almost content. Mentally; not physically. People I really love have multiple problems and I see no light at the end of that tunnel. I cannot be happy with people close to me suffering so.
Physically, I’m very good and for that, I’m grateful.

optimisticpessimist's avatar

I would have answered this question differently earlier, probably reciting a litany of infinitesimal problems of my own making. Now I realize, my only problem I cannot do anything about is not living where I want to. Thanks everyone for helping to put my life in perspective.

cak's avatar

Today, doing okay…if nobody scratches beneath the surface, too much.

I’m frustrated. I cannot understand why, when I point it out and ask for cooperation, that sometimes my husband just doesn’t get the memo on something. When I’m on a conference call, I cannot field the kid’s homework problems. Understand, I really try to schedule these for when the children aren’t home or when I know he won’t be overly burdened with kid issues.

Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t get it, my job is really important to our family’s financial well-being. Sure, it started as a fluke, but has grown. More than that, it’s important to me. I’m just frustrated.

I’m also nervous. My son has some health issues going on, and my foot is becoming a huge issue, again. I was told another surgery is looming, for me, today. My son has something coming up that is making me nervous and I just want to hear it’s all going to be okay. AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Frustrated and nervous. Yep. That’s where I’ve been for about 2 weeks.

@hawaii jake: You ask wonderful questions. Great timing on this one.—

cak (15858points)“Great Answer” (5points)
awacting's avatar

Fantastic :)

JessK's avatar

As for myself, I’m not doing so hot. Lots and lots of schoolwork… college really drains you.
But thanks for asking! :)

Meego's avatar

Dear Diary:
(AKA @hawaii_jake)

I’m comfortable financially. I own everything I have thanks to my late husband, so there are no worries in the debt area. Although there is not much room to breathe, that is a little uncomfortable. Moving on is really hard for me and at times I hate to say it but I wish I just didn’t wake up.

As my diary you know already I have struggled for years with this feeling so it’s not new, ever since the baseball bat hit my head when I was younger, and there is no cure.

I want to make a significant difference for people, I just don’t know where to start. I try to make a difference with myself I choose healthy options, I walk/run with the dogs 45–90 min a day depending on how I feel.

Unfortunately lately I have noticed my career is suffering as my memory loss gets in the way and I can’t remember who had what and references in my mind are going blank. It doesn’t sound good, the dr. Is doing series of different tests.

I feel like my worst fears are coming true ironically in an oxy-moronic state with feelings of forgotten-memories I’m consistently-inconsistent and justifiably-paranoid I’m so tired I’m almost-done with my eyes-wide-shut I’m dead-alive.

Thanks diary for letting me get it all out.

Lurve your friend always,

@Meego XO

wundayatta's avatar

Feel. Ing.


Neizvestnaya's avatar

Today, tense. I worry about things not of my making, not of my control but they affect me just the same. I feel angry and bitter towards people I see as users and bad influences- I feel angry and bitter for a loved one who thinks to help these “down and out” type of acquaintances they’re so used to calling real friends. This tires me out but the irritation sparks my insomnia and I feel a wreck after having some months of calm. It’s torture to watch destructive people do what they will and tell myself it’s on them, their relationships to damage, their lessons to learn and their possibilities to squander.

SavoirFaire's avatar

A little worried. It’s spring break, and I’m using the time to grade 60 exams and 60 papers. If I were on schedule, I’d be half done. Let’s just say that I’m not half done yet. Also, reading terrible answers always makes me wonder if I screwed up. Luckily, the really good answers convince me I must be doing something right.

Earthgirl's avatar

I’m surprised at how hard it is for me to be honest about this answer. I have been reexamining my life recently. Looking at old journals, remembering some of the challenges I have faced in life. And talking it all out with a close friend of mine. His insights have changed the way I look at myself and how I deal with my pain when other people let me down. I have a tendency to just tell myself that it’s all ok and I’m a strong person and get over it. That’s how I cope. It means I don’t admit it to myself when I am not getting what I need from my relationships. So right now I am at a crossroads moment. I have opened up enough to myself to be aware of things. But now I am very confused about where to go from here. I’m tempted to just revert to my old ways. But now that I have had this epiphany about myself it would mean losing myself to that void again of non feeling. So it is a soul searching moment for me. Thanks for asking, Jake. (PS you gave me a laugh tonight when I needed it with your answer to my question!)

Bellatrix's avatar

Meego, I often read your posts and just want to give you a huge hug. I can’t even imagine the pain of losing a loved partner but I sense your deep pain. I know I don’t know you, but I am glad you wake up every morning.

wundayatta's avatar

Feel. Ing.



Facade's avatar

Crushed. I could have lived my entire life without hearing that. I’m actually wrestling with the idea of self-sabotage, but I know that’s only my hurt feelings talking, and it wouldn’t help anything at all. Yes, I’m being purposefully vague. If I actually said what happened it would 1) be very embarrassing, and 2) look like I’m fishing for compliments…

Seelix's avatar

@Facade – Whatever you’re going through, I’m glad you know that self-sabotage wouldn’t help it. Stay strong, gorgeous!

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

@Facade You’re a hottie and you like organic. What more can anyone ask for.
@Seelix You’re a hottie as well, but I have to check on your organic thoughts.

Facade's avatar

@Adirondackwannabe Much more apparently. But thanks. Jellies are always encouraging =)

Meego's avatar

@Mz_Lizzy @Meego is very gracious of your very kind thoughts.
TY. I try to not sound not to sound to wounded. But I felt honesty was in order. Thank you @all you give me some kind of connection to life.
P.S. I am also a little worked up as my daughter is going to DC for her spring break trip for 5 days, 5 days which I have not been actually really “alone” I guess you could say for days. So it’s kinda a touchy subject. I’ve made it thru harder times. Thanks for being there for me. I can always count on my fluther friends ;)

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cak's avatar

aaahhhh! Husband finally understood what I was saying about the conference calls. He apologized. Wow. Don’t know what to do with this new-found freedom, while on a call!

cak (15858points)“Great Answer” (2points)
Hawaii_Jake's avatar

We lurve hearing good news like that.

cak's avatar

@hawaii_jake: I completely lurve you for asking this question. It opened up the discussion with my husband, again.

cak (15858points)“Great Answer” (5points)
augustlan's avatar

Feeling grateful to know all of you. You are beautiful people, truly.

TexasDude's avatar

@augustlan, megalurve to you.

Ugh… I have my meeting with the Grand Inquisitor in 6 hours. Which may end up destroying my entire academic future.

Wish me luck and pray for my immortal soul.

Seelix's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard – Grand Inquisitor? Sounds terrifying! Luck!

TexasDude's avatar

@Seelix, thank you kindly, dear.

wilma's avatar

Luck and prayers @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard .
And a hug and kiss too.

TexasDude's avatar

@wilma, thank you so much.

augustlan's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Want my whip? Good luck, darling!

Bellatrix's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Sending you positive thoughts. I am sure you will be fine though. We will be waiting for your update.

cak's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I hope it all went well. If not, this mama from the Carolinas might have to go kick some butt!

@hawaii_jake & all our other jellies that are on the west coast, I do hope you are all okay. Many thoughts and prayers are with you, as always.

cak (15858points)“Great Answer” (1points)
janbb's avatar

FPCB Hope it went well.

Bellatrix's avatar

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard well that’s a positive outcome to start with. Hope the outcome was fair and you are okay.

Berserker's avatar

I’m nervous and anxious, but I’ll keep the reason to myself. So, to remedy that, I’ll be stumbling in bed drunk in about two hours, like every night. Then I’ll wake up for school, be tired as shit until my emergency energy supply kicks in, do the best I can, then go to work, then come back and repeat, whether I’m anxious or not. My life is completely retarded. But I’m like a person with a bad cold who’s always cheery and laughing, so it ain’t all that bad.

nebule's avatar

I am floaty today thank you – feeling much better xxx

@Symbeline I hope the anxiety shifts itself soon for you xx

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