I’ve long been dissatisfied with myself, but it’s a pretty specific experience. I have an ideal self that has existed in various forms in my head and on paper—someone who excels at a number of things such as relationships with family and friends, gardening, creativity and artistic pursuits and so on. I was that person for a time as a young adult—at least I was on the path, but probably caved to the inevitable roadblocks (or created them myself, who is to know). Anyway, so for a long time I’ve lived with an unwell/stunted/shadow actual self and have felt that that (now) nebulous ideal self is almost completely inaccessible—like looking up at something from underwater or forgetting the face of someone from your past. It’s difficult and miserable at times.
Another analogy is the feeling that I missed my train a long time ago and have had no clue how to decide what to do next.
Anyway—poor me. So, while I bought it a long time ago, I recently realized I probably could benefit from reading the book Change Your Brain, Change Your Life, which theorizes (with research and brain imaging to back it up) that (chronic) negative mental states and perceptions such as mine are the result of overactive/underactive imbalances in particular areas/systems of the brain. The whole paradigm seems to have significant traction both relative to my personal experience and to many of the concepts that anyone who has experienced depression/anxiety in the last few decades (such as the once ubiquitous chant of “chemical imbalances”).
I’m anticipating this doing some good and looking forward to feeling more in the flow with the things my ideal self embodies.
there’s actually some psychological term for one’s perpetual dissatisfaction with self, but I don’t remember it, and it’s too difficult to find at the moment