There’s a few possibilities
1. He’s super nice and you have lots of things in common, but he’s gay and he likes you as a good friend (it happened to me, and the fellow had no outwart signs/appearances/affectations/walk/voice inflections or outrageous clothing to suggest that he was gay and he had even had several girlfriends in the past, but he was gay as I later found out)
2. He’s super nice and you have lots of things in common, but he doesn’t feel any romantic spark towards you.
3. He’s never had a girlfriend and he is a little bit shy and has no idea how to make the first move. Does he speak to you in romantic, flirty ways on the phone?
4. He’s interested in you, but may have some type of physical problem, that would make him unable to have a sexual relationship with you, but he’s too embarrassed to say anything at this point.
5. He’s trying to be polite and wait until you’ve gotten to know each other a little longer. Does he seem particularly polite in general? In my experience, most dudes are not that polite.
6. He really likes you, but does not want to get involved with someone coming down off of a 5 year long committed relationship. And the friend of yours that spilled the beans to him, may have embellished the story by telling him that you were an emotional wreck because of the breakup. You should find out what exactly was said (by your friend to this new guy).
Now, what you should do is this. When you next talk to him on the phone, say that you really like him and that you’d like to spend the next date just one on one with him because so far there’s always been a crowd around and you’d really like to get to know him better and would that be OK. His answer will tell you a lot.
If you do manage to score a date with him alone. Be really calm and just take his hand. If he pulls away, then ask him why (right then, but very gently ask him if there’s a problem). If he lets you take his hand, then ask him sweetly if you might kiss him. If he agrees, see how it goes (if it seems forced or stiff, then again, gently ask him if there’s a problem) If he says no to the kiss, again ask gently if there’s a problem. It sounds like you are going to have to make the first move in this situation, but be prepared that one or more of the 5 possibilites above might be true.
Or you might just get lucky, and he was waiting for you to give him a sign! Good luck : )