My two sisters and I were so close to our brother’s wife that we considered her a real sister. When she and our brother decided to separate after ~20 years of marriage and three children, she turned the divorce into one ugly battle. While our brother wanted to work through the problems with counselling, she would go to a few sessions and then refuse to return. I stopped by her house one time, and she proceeded to tell me, in front of the kids, how she wanted to take him for every penny he had. It was akin to having a cold bucket of water suddenly dumped on me, and it broke my heart. My two sisters also experienced something (each different) that made them feel that they needed to support our brother. We never discussed it until several years after the divorce.
Had she changed? I don’t think so. She just kept up the facade of being a happy housewife for many years when she really is more of a free spirit. It was just disappointing that someone with a PhD in Psychology could not work through the problems, particularly since our brother wanted to and learned to recognize his faults through therapy. The worst part is that she, in my opinion, taught their two daughters to disrespect their father.
It’s been about 15 years since the divorce, and the wounds have healed, but there is still a noticeable scar. About a year ago, she was in town and invited Mom out to dinner. She talked of regrets for the way she handled the situation and even mentioned that she wonders if she made a mistake. We haven’t talked in years, but if I were to get a call from her and she said she needed help, I’d do whatever I could in a heartbeat.