I have found masturbation to be a very lonely experience. Not only that, but it can make the isolation worse. So when I do it, it is to kind of fill a hole that it can only fill very inadequately. Yet it does keep my body from completely losing it for some time.
I went for the first twenty years of my life without making love to anyone. Only masturbation. But that’s not at all the same. Until I was 13, I didn’t think about sex or relationships at all. Then for about three years, it was fine to just masturbate, but after that, I got very depressed that I had no love who wanted to share that kind of intimacy with me. It got pretty bad.
Maybe there are people who are fine having a “release” without having anyone to do it with. I find that it quickly gets kind of sick if I’m not having sex with my wife very much. I start using porn, and then things kind of get out of control.
Maybe I’m super sensitive to not being connected to someone on a very intimate level. Marriages can go in and out of connection, and mine is no different. What is different is the importance we place on sex. That makes it very difficult for me some of the time, and if I turn to masturbation… well, after a while, that gets me even more isolated.
I haven’t been single for more than a couple of months at a time since I was 20. I do not do well without a good strong primary relationship. I guess I’m surprised at the answers. I knew my need to be in a strong intimate relationship were pretty high, but I had no idea how people could tolerate the lack of such a thing for so long without going crazy.