@shego – As a person who experienced the exact “abandonment by parent—-> sent to another relative—-> betrayal by relative” as you describe, yes, it’s damaging. To what degree, I think, can vary.
Some kids have stronger emotional constitutions than others, are naturally more resilient and understand more quickly that they can’t take such situations personally. The vast majority of kids think that anything that goes wrong with the adults in their lives is the kids’ fault, and if a child is upset at the way care-taking adults treat them, it can be a mess. Children literally depend on these adults to stay alive, so the impulse to be angry is checked by the fear that if they show their anger, they might die. Better to keep your head down and take any crumbs you can get.
It was hard for me to be angry at the people who were supposed to be caring for me, who told me one thing and behaved 180° opposite, and not feel guilty about it, especially since I figured out early on that those adults had massive, massive personal problems that I couldn’t fix. It was like, “Do I really care about them as people who are hurting, or do I just want them to be well so they’ll be loving to me?” That made me feel selfish. But I realize now that as a kid, I had a right to be cared for properly. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.
::shrugs:: What are you going to do? You can’t force someone to love you, care for you or stay with you. Not even your parents or caretakers.