Hey @ANef_is_Enuf -
On thinking about it.. I think you’re on to something here.
I’m a step-mom, too. I met and began dating my now husband when he was a single parent to a 1 year old daughter. Interestingly, I had met him once before a year prior with a group of other work folks and totally forgot him instantly.
The first time we met (apparently) was when we were both at a trade show and it was his first trip after his daughter (now my step-daughter) was born.
I vaguely remember him passing around this laminated baby photo and instantly wrote him off as married. He made like ZERO impression on me..because I was so not interested in marriage or babies at that point in my life. I barely remember meeting him the 1st time.
So, at least in that case, I totally leaped to the conclusion: has a baby = is married. (In truth, they were intending to divorce and were separated before she ever got pregnant, and were divorced by the time the baby was 1.)
As for people’s assumptions about women..my husband traveled extensively (well over 75% of the time) early in our marriage so there were a good 5 or 6 years where I sure felt (and often looked) like a single mom.
What I found most odd was that although I was nearly the same age my my step-daughter’s biomom I constantly had people assuming I was just a babysitter. (Woman with kids and no man in sight must = babysitter or unmarried.)
This persisted for a long while after I was married to my hubby and raising my SD..even after we started to have children of our own. (Which strikes me as SO ridiculous. I’m a nursing mom with baby spit up on my shoulder and you’re mistaking me as “just the babysitter”? Do I LOOK like I’m leaving these kids at night and getting a full night’s sleep? Sheesh.) I’m not THAT young looking! (I didn’t even meet my hubby till I was 29. So this was when I was in my early thirties.)
The most fun I ever had with other people’s assumptions were those “Meet the Teacher” nights at the start of the school year where the Bio Mom and me would go with my step-daughter to meet her new teacher, classmates and see her classroom. Because my husband traveled so much he often missed these..so it would just be the “two moms” and my step daughter.
Now THAT was fun to see people in our small (conservative) town rubber necking at the two moms and trying to figure out if they were seeing their first ever lesbian parents with children in our town.