@wundayatta : I have a disease that will kill me if I stop the treatment. It’s like having cancer: I would quickly die without the radiation and chemotherapy. It’s also like diabetes: I would die without the insulin.
This disease centers in my brain, and there lies its greatest threat. It’s the only disease I can readily think of that can convince me I don’t need the treatment. I have seen that other side, the untreated side of me, and it is a horrendous sight which I will at all costs avoid.
I ran out of my medication one time. I had moved between states and was not yet plugged into the new state’s mental health system. I knew I was running out and did what I thought was my best to wean myself off them as slowly as I could.
I had outrageous highs when I thought I could almost fly, and I had terrifying lows when I wailed uncontrollably and wished desperately to end it all. And then the hallucinations came. They were simple ones thankfully. They weren’t elaborate or terribly frightening, but I recognized them for what they were.
I was lucky and had a friend in the area whom I called and was directed to the nearest help. My condition warranted hospitalization, and I’m glad that I got it.
And I have continuing help now. I have regular visits to a psychiatrist, a caseworker, and a therapist. I have Medicare for my prescription drug needs and hospitalization should that become necessary again. I have medication to keep me stable.
I am not telling you what to do, @wundayatta. I don’t want to take any of your freedom away from you. I have shared a very personal story to illustrate my experience, strength, and hope. I merely suggest that you think very long and very hard before you try to tackle this disease without the medication that is available. This is not a disease to be trifled with. It wants to kill you.