“It would become tiresome, I’d start to think there was something wrong with me. I’d become suspicious, angry, snipping, hurtful and maybe even destructive.”
Well, am I am a woman in this situation, and I feel much like the gal who made that prognostication (above). My fiancé of 3 years had a history of childhood abuse (like me, but I went through years of therapy and love affection, now). I am his first long-term “healthy” relationship, and he doesn’t know what to do. He is generally awkward with physical contact, he never initiates sex, and cuddling is basically off the table except for on rare occasions. I was mostly okay with this in the early years because I believed that he genuinely loved me and was dealing with childhood issues that could be ameliorated.
But, here’s the kicker, a few months ago, after an argument (can’t recall what it was about), he went on a bender, left me and cheated. I took him back, mostly because he didn’t have anyone else, and he had been seeing a therapist and working on himself. However, NOW, I can’t stand his lack of affection. Since he cheated, it makes me take his lack of affection much more personally. I have many resentments all the time, and I can’t chase the affection anymore. Therefore, today, our relationship is terribly miserable for me. I feel very undesirable, my self esteem is nonexistent, and sadly, I don’t see this relationship lasting if he doesn’t become more affectionate with me (and experience suggests he won’t).
So, I agree with what so many of you have said – it depends on the context of the greater relationship. There must be a lot of trust, love and understanding as well as great communication to keep both partners happy, when one needs extra coddling and sensitivity.