I’ve brought a lot of stuff on to myself, and had to deal with it, and still do. I can admit that. But some of it I didn’t bring it on myself.
So it’s like, I just keep blaming environment, experiences that which could simply not be helped, at least as decreed by whatever passes for logic in me noggin’, potential mind fuckery, and things I don’t understand for everything I’ve brought on myself. Like it’s/I’m a byproduct of actual, legit shit I couldn’t help.
I think. It’s like blaming your Viking ancestor for being conquered after you didn’t make enough profit selling Volkswagen buggies.
It’s so easy for me to just blame and point the finger, and it also makes me feel better, even if it’s based on stuff that happened eons ago and prolly shouldn’t matter anymore. The problem with that shit is, stuff keeps on happening. I don’t have a Psycho syndrome. I just don’t know how to put stuff in order, although I do it in a biased way.
What did I bring on to myself. Burned bridges and alcoholism. And I should count myself lucky, as I was still accepted in school, and maybe I’m broke, but I’m a lot richer than a shitload of peeps, ya? Maybe I just like complaining. :D
But in a way, I may not be so wrong. If I’m so weak as to give in to such illusions and self justification bullshit and actually believe it, or at least, feel comfortable enough with it to consider it to be true…I may very well easily be susceptible to that which I firstly accuse of being/doing something I have no power over to begin with.
Deep stuff makes no sense to me a lot of the time, and shit’s on fire yo.
’‘points towards a burning house’’
Also, even if my castle’s all crumbled, I still have my wall to hide behind, and not care about outer percussion lol.