A few years ago, in an attempt to develop the gentler side of my nature, I put out some bird feeders. The birds, and squirrels by the way, tear into and empty out those things in a heartbeat. I am constantly refilling them.

The other day I told my girlfriend I was out of bird food.

She laughed and said that nobody calls it “bird food”. It is called “bird seed”

Now wait a minute! She wasn’t born here. Her native languages are Arabic and Farsi. She still has an accent. I suppose she could be correct, but I need outside confirmation.

And while you are here-What do I do about the squirrels. They jump from a fence about 8 feet away. Completely by pass the squirrel guard. How far can those critters jump?