Social Question

sliceswiththings's avatar

Would you go on this date?

Asked by sliceswiththings (11723points) June 26th, 2011
34 responses
“Great Question” (5points)

Darling Jellies, I prefer to be the one giving the dating advice, but this one is really stumping me. It’s also super long, sorry!

The guy is a regular at the café I waitress at. He comes in every morning for coffee and we chat. The boss said that he had asked about/expressed interest in me.

I ran into him last night and we talked a bunch. He straight out said/asked, “The new Woody Allen movie is in town. Want to go see it sometime?” I said yes, because I do really want to see it! Perhaps he’s just looking for a friend, but it sounded like a date to me.

Here’s the thing: I am terrible at dating (by traditional standards). I usually promote a very romantic beginning, go out with the guy for a couple months, don’t feel strongly about it, then move on but usually cause some kind of drama. This guy is different from the others because he is gasp 15 years older than me. I feel like he must be more serious about relationships than I am at my young age.

But here’s the thing: I’m pretty sure I don’t want to be in a relationship with him while I’m here (just for the summer). I could either:
A. Go on the date, go on more dates, date him anyway;
B. Go on the date, try to bang him a couple times (what I’m really after), find a way to worm myself out of a more serious situation and hide in the basement whenever he comes for coffee;
C. Not go on the date (but I already said I would sometime, so that would be obvious if I didn’t).

He’s super super nice, and is a well liked member of my community. I would hate to start something with him, back out, then have it be awkward all summer when he comes for coffee.

What would you do in this situation? Has anyone been in a similar situation? Thanks!

P.S. He brought me strawberries from his own garden this morning :)

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Answers

Judi's avatar

Tell him up front that you’re not looking for any long term commitment. A word of warning though, I wasn’t looking for a long term commitment when I started dating my first husband either.

bob_'s avatar

Date the guy. See where it goes.

Bellatrix's avatar

He asked you to go to the movies, if you both get on, go and see the movie with him but if if you feel there is no likelihood of anything else, let him know that. It does sound like he has a crush on you, so be gentle and be honest but who knows, you might end up with a great friend for the summer. If having him as a friend is something that interests you, let him know that. The ball will be in his court then. If he is older, hopefully he is mature enough to accept that you don’t want a romantic relationship.

_zen_'s avatar

I’m with @bob_ -

and do not make any declarations on a first date – especially if you have some prior aquaintance: we hear only “I’m not interested – this is a pity date because of the situation and blah blah blah. Just do it and see where it goes.

Zaku's avatar

I would just go for it and be honest and up-front about not wanting a serious relationship since you are leaving at the end of the summer.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

No. Absolutely not. Fuggetaboudit!

I’m sure you’ll be very content sitting around for the rest of your life wondering if you should have.

Bellatrix's avatar

@judi same here! So, yes, what you want now and what you want after you get to know each other could just change.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Thanks for the encouragement! I’m just not used to MEN, rather than boys.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Oh also, there’s another guy I DO want to date this summer, and I still have to break up with the guy I’m currently with… I told you I’m bad at this.

chyna's avatar

He asked you on a date, he didn’t ask you to marry him. Don’t think of each potential date as being long term, just as a one time thing and then possibly another, then another, etc.

_zen_'s avatar

@chyna Will you marry go out with me on a date?

sliceswiththings's avatar

@chyna True, but I personally have trouble NOT going on subsequent dates (also sleeping with them early on then getting attached)

bob_'s avatar

I agree with @chyna. It could very well be the case that he’d simply like to sleep with you, too. There have been some reports of men doing that.

sliceswiththings's avatar

@bob_ Let’s count on it! I’ll have to start wearing my bathing suit to work. :) But he really is kind of quiet and awkward and seemingly non-sex-driven.

chyna's avatar

Those are the ones you have to watch out for. They turn into sex starved maniacs when they get you alone. :-)

bob_'s avatar

@sliceswiththings @chyna All warfare is based on deception.

sliceswiththings's avatar

@chyna I bet the strawberries were roofied!

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

@sliceswiththings “But he really is kind of quiet and awkward and seemingly non-sex-driven.”

Oh! A Serial Killer ehhh? Be prepared to slice with things.

chyna's avatar

Oh yeah, did he ask you to wait and eat them around him? Hmm…

sliceswiththings's avatar

And he’s a contractor/builder so he drives a van…hmm indeed.

sliceswiththings's avatar

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies Eek! Well it’s HIM that should watch out, I’m not “slicedwiththings”

chyna's avatar

I’ll bet he knows how to drive a lot of things. You know, being a contractor and all.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

MmmmK… a quiet type, non sexual, driving a common white construction van… You gonna get into the van little girl?

sliceswiththings's avatar

Takin it to the drive-in, baby! ;)

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

The drive in? On a first date? How cool are you?!?!?!?

I think that’s grand.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Well I think it’s only playing at the non-drive-in next door. But maybe we’ll change plans and see Cars 2!

jca's avatar

Go on the date, keep an open mind, don’t let what you have done in the past stop you from checking this guy out. Try not to have sex unless you a. really want it or b. have dated him a few times and determined you really like him.

jca (36062points)“Great Answer” (0points)
plethora's avatar

You might have to teach this guy a thing or two. He asked you to go to a movie “sometime”? Well, would that be in the next week, month, year, or eternity? He has not yet asked you for a date and you are under no obligation to do anything should he mention it again because he has asked to do nothing. He has simply inquired about your preferences. You will have been asked for a date when he specifies a date and time and place.

athenasgriffin's avatar

I think you should go. Dates don’t have to be anything more than mutual fun, really.

When you are on the date, that is the time for you to start thinking about whether you ever want to see him again.

Judi's avatar

The current relationship is a bit of an issue. I would wrap that one up first before going out with someone else, or a least make it clear that you are not dating him exclusively.

sliceswiththings's avatar

Tomorrow night’s the big night! Wish me luck!

sliceswiththings's avatar

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