@Aethelflaed I’m not sure how you can not see how what you said was offensive. You word it as if it is absurd for any stepparent to have visitation rights, regardless of what role they’ve played in a child’s life. On the other hand, you seem to feel as if it is perfectly fine for lousy bio-parents to automatically be granted rights simply because they helped to make the child.
You’re absolutely right that just about anyone can marry someone with a child, in the same way that just about anyone can make a child – so I’m not sure why you have two different viewpoints when you seem to agree that both situations are not all that different. So why shouldn’t it be on a case by case basis? Why shouldn’t it be investigated just like biological custody/visitation cases frequently are?
It simply isn’t fair that in situations like @Dutchess_III‘s that she has fewer rights than the biological mother, although she was the primary mother figure in the child’s life from 18 months of age. Bio-mom takes precedence by default, regardless of what a crappy parent she may have been from day one. That’s just nonsense.
My own situation isn’t even like @Dutchess_III,‘s and I still feel like I should have a right to fight to see my kids if I were to lose my husband in some way.They have a mother that loves them, that is a part of their lives. They have a father that does the same, I just happened to marry him.
However it doesn’t end there. Those kids can’t remember their lives before me, because they were that young when I met them. They have a mother and a father, but they also happen to call me “mom” and their stepfather “dad.” They have two moms, and two dads, and all four of us are their parents…. just because two of us didn’t help to create them doesn’t mean that our roles in raising these kids should be discredited in the eyes of the law.
I don’t think that just any stepparent should have a right to fight for visitation, but the number of cases like my own or like @Dutchess_III are countless. So although I agree with you that a blanket “yes” to all stepparent visitation wouldn’t be the best outcome, I feel equally opposed to a blanket “no.”