@cliofaye My parents were alcoholics. Both of them. I was the youngest and saw a lot of crap at an impressionable age. I guess you could say I grew up pretty confused and angry. Then, something amazing happened… they both went through recovery and sobered up. In many ways, that was even more confusing because at the age of 11, just when I thought I had figured out how things were, they changed drastically; these two people in my life both changed drastically.
I’m not that much of a religious person, but one thing my parents came out of recovery with really stuck with me my whole life and it was plastered around the house on ornaments and such; The Serenity Prayer. The whole ‘accept the things I cannot change’ bit is a biggie for me and I have to constantly remind myself of it. Things and people that do crappy things, well, I can’t change that. I can only change how I deal with it and I have to deal with it in ways that are good for me. Dwelling on hate and obsessing how stupid someone is, it’s a waste of my energy. In my mind, I put it into a tiny vile and then I drop it into a big beautiful flowing river that is my beautiful life and it simply washes away. I think that is the ‘courage’ part of the saying because I have to really stop myself when I get obsessively angry and have the courage to put that think I have no control over into that vile and drop it into the river. I have also had to have the courage to let people go in my life who weren’t doing me any good at all. ‘Energy Suckers’... you know the ones.
I hope things get better for you. I am guessing you are an emancipated minor? There really is only good news and bad news then. The good news is that, now, it’s up to just you. The bad news, is that, now, it’s just up to you.
Keep focused on taking care of yourself. Keep yourself in school. School is VERY important. Cut loose the people who are keeping you down and angry. Surround yourself with people whom you admire. Make new friendships. If you are full of hate and anger, you’re only going to attract people who are attracted to those qualities, and those people aren’t the ones who will be healthy for you to be around.
It’s early morning here and I am jetlagged and haven’t slept, so I hope I am making some sense.
All the very best. I hope you find a good path.