My older (late) brother had problems with alcohol all his life. When I was much younger (20’s or so) I didn’t know what it meant to be an enabler, and accompanied him on many binges. His wife, my dear sister-in-law (and I mean that in all honesty) would get so angry that we went out and got drunk. When he passed several years ago, I could not make it to the funeral. When I spoke to her at that time, it was mostly about how he was now “in a better place,” and mostly to comfort each other. A couple years ago I went back to visit family, and saw here. We had a long talk about my brother, his life, their life together, their kids and grandkids, and family in general. I then started to apologize for my enabling behavior so long ago. She stopped me, and helped me to realize that if I hadn’t been the enabler, someone else surely would have. The conversation provided me with a good deal of closure.