Sounds to me like you’re doing pretty well. When I get lonely, it can be devastating. It can start to make me feel worthless. All kinds of crazy shit goes through my head. Sometimes, it’s gotten to the point where I convince myself she hates me and is going to leave me and the anxiety gets so great, it feels like my stomach is going to be eaten out by acid and my heart is about to flip out.
And she was just going to visit her mother or something. I think that when you fall in love you can be pretty irrational, especially if you are as susceptible to it as I am. It’s worse when you are uncertain about how she feels about you. Sometimes you feel a certain kind of distance or reserve from her, and that gets magnified when your routine is broken. You’re used to talking every day, and then suddenly that time you filled with something golden to you is gone.
It’s a like a little death. You actually go into mourning a little bit. And it’s a loss. A serious loss, even if it is only one day.
How do you deal with it? If only I knew. I think it helps to know she won’t be there in advance. This would be much worse if she suddenly wasn’t there, or if she told only one moment before you were expecting to talk to her.
Things that can help are mostly psychological. So if you totally believe she is into you and is never going anywhere, that really helps. Any doubts open the door to anxiety. It helps if she professes to love you quite often. But you need to believe it.
The other line of defense is to talk to yourself and tell yourself that your worries don’t make sense. She’ll be back. She loves you. There’s nothing to fear. Go read a book or watch some TV or play a game or call a friend. Just do stuff that keeps you busy. Anything that will distract you from thinking about how you’re not with her.