I adore my dad, but he has this one habit that gets under my skin, and that is punishing the people who care about him by punishing himself.

For example, he’s quite overworked at his job so it’s important that he be able to delegate various tasks around the home to my mom and me. If one of us forgets to do a chore, which happens on occasion, rather than reminding us, he does the chore himself, taking care to make a lot of noise as he does, so that we’ll hear him and know we screwed up. This is after having worked a long day, and it sometimes results in his not being able to get to bed as early as he would like.

Another example, our electric bill was higher than usual this month, so Mom and I came home from a walk tonight to find him sitting around in the pitch dark, as if to make us feel guilty about our electricity useage.

Is there someone in your life who does this, and does the behavior have a specific name? How should it be handled?