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girlofscience's avatar

Should I get my hair done at this salon after an awkward okcupid exchange?

Asked by girlofscience (7556points) September 3rd, 2011
15 responses
“Great Question” (0points)

I am interested in having my hair cut and dyed at this one specific salon in my area. (Also, my boyfriend and I use okcupid to meet girls for threesomes.)

About a month ago, a random girl messaged me on there to express her interest. We found her unattractive, so we did not respond.

A few weeks later, I was viewing the bios on the website of this hair salon and realized that the random unattractive girl is one of the stylists there.

I decided the best thing to do would be to respond to her message to smooth things over from having not responded earlier and then make an appointment at the salon. Last week, I sent her a message:

Hey there!
Thanks for the message a few weeks ago! I totally thought I responded, but it looks like I didn’t – sorry about that! I realized because I was looking at your salon to get my hair done and saw you on it. :) And I wondered what ever happened with our messages. Anyway, hi! Want me to come in and get my hair done?

This is a lie; I am not actually interested, but I thought it would be awkward to go into her place of employment having not responded to her okcupid message, so I was just trying to be nice. I do not actually care if she is the stylist who does my hair; in fact, I would prefer someone else did my hair to avoid awkward/pretend conversation and flirting.

She has not responded, and she has been on okcupid since I sent the message.

I’d still like to make an appointment at her salon, but I’d really like to avoid having an incredibly awkward encounter with her. Thoughts?

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Allie's avatar

If you really want to go to that place, then make the appointment at the salon with someone else. She’s probably going to be too busy doing her own work to come over and flirt with you. You’ll spend most of your time talking (or not talking) to your own stylist.
If she does come over and tries talking, just direct the conversation back to something you and your stylist were talking about. If she’s smart, she’ll get the hint. If she’s not, well, aren’t you even more glad you decided not to hook up with her? Haha!
Good luck!!

Aethelflaed's avatar

Can you not get your hair styled at a different salon? Would that not be the easiest way to avoid any kind of contact with this woman?

trailsillustrated's avatar

uh… I would go somewhere else

CWOTUS's avatar

Having no experience in setting up and/or participating in threesomes, I can only respond from the point of view of a single guy who attempts to meet single women in various online dating venues. And as one who is frequently turned down and just as frequently has to do the turning down.

The kindest, politest and most decent thing that you can do with someone who makes overtures to you that you don’t want to reciprocate is to say, “Thanks for your interest, but I have to decline. Good luck in your future dating,” or something to that effect.

It acknowledges her as a human being in a decent time and lets her know without wondering that there’s no romantic interest on your part. No pretense, no demeaning and no refusal to respond.

girlofscience's avatar

@Allie: Great advice! I guess you’re right that I’ll likely not really interact with her. I doubt she would say to her coworkers, “OMG, I tried to have a threesome with that girl and her boyfriend, and they rejected me.” Right? Haha. It’s just that getting my hair done takes a loooong time, and I was envisioning horribly awkward situations unfolding!

@Aethelflaed: I could, of course, but I really wanted this salon specifically. I asked this question to determine if it could be non-awkward enough to go to this salon, given the situation.

@trailsillustrated: You think it’s really that potentially awkward that I should avoid going to the salon I’m really interested in going to?

Aethelflaed's avatar

@girlofscience I guess I’ve never been so attached to a salon I’ve never even been to before that I’d rather go there and have it be all awkward and stuff. There are plenty of salons, all of them cut and dye hair, and many of them even do it well for reasonable prices. So, why not go somewhere else? I mean, it’s probably nothing, but I don’t know that I’d ever risk it unless they were giving away unicorns or sex at the end of it, not when there are so many other places I could go.

chyna's avatar

Go to the salon but get a different stylist. If she even realizes who you are, she will feel more awkward than you, as shown by her not responding to your message on cupid, and not even attempt to speak to you.

AmWiser's avatar

You’ve already decided to lie by sending RUG (random unattractive girl) a text message that was clearly a lie. If her place of work and okcupid aren’t related in any way than you don’t owe her an explanation. RUG probably has no interest in doing your hair or hooking up with you at this point. You really don’t owe RUG any explanation, so just go and have your hair done and don’t worry about awkward encounters.

kheredia's avatar

If she’s there when you go there’s no doubt it’ll be awkward. Just schedule your appointment with someone else, be polite and say hi if she notices you and continue with your business as she’ll probably do aswell. You’re both grown ups, I’m sure you’ll be fine so long as she doesn’t get into your hair dye.. buahahaha!!! I’m kidding!!! Just go, you’ll be fine :-)

MissAnthrope's avatar

I think you would have been fine, had you not re-messaged her. Now it sounds like maybe you’re interested, but it isn’t clear, and you’ve put yourself back on her radar. In other words, in my view, you have made things even more awkward. I would avoid that place like the plague for a good 6 months or more, personally.

girlofscience's avatar

@MissAnthrope: I think you’re right! I regret sending that now! I guess I expected her to respond and then try to be able to make everything non-awkward, but that message was probably a mistake.

wundayatta's avatar

Jesus. It’s random sex, not plural marriage. What’s the discomfort? You guys are grown ups. She should be happy you tried to spare her feelings and you should be happy she tried to spare yours. I have no idea why you decided to play innocent when you found out she worked at your salon. You should have just dropped it, the same as she has. She knows you aren’t interested. She probably thinks you’re a bit pathetic for acting so namby-pamby.

Man up and go to the salon like you deserve to. Or chicken out and go somewhere else. This non-threesome that never even happened has nothing to do with it, unless you want it to. If you must find a way to deal with it, then arrange a coffee date and apologize to her for being such undecided jellyfish.

girlofscience's avatar

@wundayatta: Agreed. I handled that poorly. And I think I should go, too.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Awkward, yes. I don’t know what I’d do, probably avoid that place. This is why, in general, I respond to messages immediately if I don’t find them attractive or something.

marinelife's avatar

Why have to mixed up these two things? And made it worse by sending her a message when you have no interest in her sexually?

Just go to the salon and ignore her. She is not going to say anything.

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