Note: This started out as a private communication between @trailsillustrated and myself, but my note to her got too long and I think this information could be of use to others, so here it is.
I understand that Doc wants him in a “carefully chosen” assisted living center, but did the guy mention what the parameters are? If he didn’t specify, you will be shopping in the dark. And before you sign him up, check with the governmental agencies that oversee them. Unless the facility is brand new, it’s important to understand that every such facility will have some problems. You will want to eliminate all the ones that have the most judgements and/or investigations.
When shopping for an assisted living center, it quickly becomes a case of “you don’t know what you don’t know”. I’d look at the quality of the food. I used to work in an assisted living center, and one of the perks of the job was that they fed us, but they skimped on quality. Some of the food was overdone and was too hard for me to chew, let alone an old person! They used cheap cooking oils, and after a while I noticed that it hurt to kneel down and stand up again. I stopped eating there and I felt much better.
For a short time I put my father in an assisted living center/nursing home/rehab place that had him roomed with another guy. From the first day Dad complained that his roommate was too loud and yelled a lot, but because the guy never yelled when I was there, so I didn’t believe my dad. Turns out the man yelled all night long and much of the day and as a result Dad didn’t get any sleep. When I found out, I made them move him. I was afraid of making too much of a stink because of the possibility of reprisal, so I did not report the facility. Looking back I wish I had.
I worked in another assisted living center where the people who cleaned the rooms and the dining tables did not do the job properly. Instead of spraying the rag, they’d spray the area they were cleaning with a sanitizing cleaner. The result was that when they cleaned the bathroom sinks, sanitizing cleaner hit toothbrushes sitting close by. In the dining room, instead of removing all unused plates and silverware, they left them on the table and sprayed the area where someone had just eaten. Some of that spray hit nearby drinking glasses and plates. Of course the sanitizer was clear and it dried before those items would be used again, so nobody ever knew or cared.
When shopping for a facility for your dad, if you ask intelligent questions regarding these sorts of things, perhaps you can avoid problems such as I have encountered.