There are things I really want, and I don’t know if I’ll ever get them. I find that if I concentrate on them, I tend to start beating myself up when I don’t get them and then I feel worse and worse. So I try to stop thinking about them. I try to be grateful for what I have. In some cases, I have ended up where I wanted to be. Like all my life I wanted to work for a university. Finally, at the age of 47, I was working at a university. I had given up expecting it would ever happen so that when it happened, it took me a while to realize I was where I had hoped to be decades before.
There are things now that I desperately want, and yet I cannot have them. It makes me heart-sick that I can’t get what I want. Sometimes, I remember to try to appreciate what I have, and to not obsess on what more I want, but I’m not ready to give up fighting for it, yet. I’m sure that when I do that—when I am able to be calm about it not happening and I start to focus on my life as I am living it, it will happen.
But right now I am in the complete wanting stage, and am frustrated and tantalized and going crazy with desire for this thing. So it is hard to cope with and it is affecting the rest of my life and not in a good way.
These things come in cycles. Right now I can see it and taste it and I can’t have it. Once day I won’t see it and then all of a sudden it will appear, right under my nose. But I can rush it. I can’t artificially turn off my feelings. I can just feel what I feel and then deal with what I deal.
You don’t know the future, @WillWorkForChocolate. Things can change and you have no idea what might change them. Don’t give up hope. You have no idea what might happen.