Dear friend, @ANef_is_Enuf has pretty much summed it up…Forgiveness and forgetting are not the same thing. There are people who forgive and forget; those that forgive and do not forget; and others that do not forgive, but forget as time passes. And then there are those that do not forgive and never forget.
What it comes down to is that we all make mistakes, and each situation needs to be treated differently. How your father dealt with your interactions is not how all people handle our mistakes. Your wife is a perfect example. She seems to be sticking beside you through thick and thin. She sees the big picture and the value that you provide in your lives.
Life is messy. We learn from our mistakes, or at least I hope so. Sometimes it takes more than once to learn these lessons. It is really hard when it involves someone you care dearly about or covet the respect of, like a parent. There comes a time though when we need to let go of this desire and realize that this person has their own short-comings. One of these may be acceptance that we grow from our mistakes. We also grow from choosing what is best for ourselves, even if these mentors would have chosen another path.
I wish I could beg of you to let some of this guilt or feelings to go, yet I know that is not of your nature. All I can tell you is that should you do so, you will find a lightness that you deserve. You need to forgive yourself for how others judge you and only take away the experience of understanding how your actions caused a reaction in others. That is a worthy life lesson.
@smilingheart1 Thank you for the nod in my direction. The situation that I posted and you refer to is banal compared to @wundayatta,‘s but to a small degree, there is a simaliarity. The challenge is that he and I are two very different people. I am confrontational and have to keep it in check, and he is non-confrontational to a certain aspect. We need to learn how to assess the situation and step out of our comfort zone in dealing with these scenarios based upon the situation. It is difficult, but it is part of continuing to grow up, despite our ages.