Social Question

CarterChen's avatar

Confused, does she like me?

Asked by CarterChen (123points) October 1st, 2011
19 responses
“Great Question” (1points)

I met her at a online dating site where we exchanged each others portraits,hobbies, working situation and other information. I contacted her at first, just say ‘hi’ and willingness to get to know with her. She agreed and dropped me her cell phone number. Then we text two days before we met in person. It’s in a restaurant, it felt awkward at first but soon we got familiar with each other and began talking a lot. While talking we stared each others eyes several times, I can feel the electric current and her fondness. After dinner we had a long walk then we go to mall to drink. We were talking, joking, and laughing till 10pm. We have to go or we’d miss the last sub. At subway station before separating I dated her, she agreed with smiling. But she had work shift the next two days, so we arranged it on the third day after then. We said bye and she thanked me. After that I texted her twice one day before the arranged dating day to try to arrange with her about time and location. There is no reply, then I tried phone call but her phone was powered off. After work in my way home I called again, this time the phone was ring and she denied my call and text me afterward saying she is in work, picking up phone is not allowed. Then I texted her asking why didn’t she reply my messages, she replied she worked long hours then sleeping then go work straight again. Then I asked her if she will go to date tomorrow and said if you were feeling tired we can rearrange. She replied that she’d prefer to have a rest tomorrow. I said take care and don’t push yourself so hard. After two days it’s yesterday I texted her several times she replied but with little words showing no interest on my topic. When I asked her if anytime you are in convenience could I date you again. She didn’t reply to me. I think she changed in a way. I am confused now, does she really want to develop a relationship with me, am I doing something wrong to her?

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funkdaddy's avatar

No, you’re not doing anything wrong.

No, she probably doesn’t want a relationship with you right now.

Back off and move on, she has your contact information if she’s just currently stressed out and would like to get in touch later but right now she’s either avoiding you or too stressed to think about you.

Don’t force it.

ganti_x89's avatar

I agree with funkdaddy, you should back off because she is noticing how much you have tried to contact her after that first date. You don’t want her to think that this is how it would be if you guys were in a relationship. Best thing to do is just let it go and if she does want another date or a relationship she will contact you again.

Ela's avatar

I don’t think you are doing anything wrong. She knows you’d like to see her again, she has your number, I believe if she cares, she will contact you. If she doesn’t, it’s obvious you both weren’t on the same page.
Don’t sit and wait for a message that may or may not come. I agree with @funkdaddy, Back off and move on.

CarterChen's avatar

Thanks @funkdaddy, @ganti_x89 and @EnchantingEla for your answers. I was confused because our first meet went very well and she was willing to date again initially during the first meet before separating but changed afterwards.

asmonet's avatar

I’m with everyone else.

As a girl I’ve been on her side a few times. Listen, sometimes we just get busy, run down and stressed (just like you boys do). Even after a great date I can’t always take the moment out of my day. When I’m stressed out, what may seem like a few texts to you may feel like a fucking ton to me because it’s one more thing I’m being asked to juggle. Back off, she’s got your info and when her life settles down in a few days, or a few weeks she’ll call you if she wants to.

I would at least wait a week or two before I called or texted again. Give the girl some time to decompress if her life is crazy right now.

FutureMemory's avatar

Forget her.

I don’t buy the “can’t find 60 seconds out of a 16 hour waking day to send a text” bullshit. Hell, people can text when they’re taking a shit, you know?

Judi's avatar

Some girls have a hard time expressing that they’re not interested. They dint want to hurt your feelings. I would allow her to make the next move. If she’s interested she will call. If not, don’t take it personally. There are plenty more girls on online dating sites.

Ayesha's avatar

@FutureMemory Awesome.
Move on. Stop wasting your time.

marinelife's avatar

No, she is not interested in dating you. I’m not sure what happened. She may have changed her mind.

I would not contact her again.

GabrielsLamb's avatar

Cut to the chase… No.

My condolences… I know how it feels. Sometimes I think when people don’t know what to say, they sometimes lead others on out of fear of being scrutinized or made to be put into an awkward situation they would rather not deal with.

That being said, if a person is SO damn selfish that they can’t bring themselves down a slight notch to spare someone else their feelings, dignity, and pride…

Screw them! NEXT!

Hibernate's avatar

Give her some time. Sometimes things don’t go to well. If the situation repeats to often then it’s time to move on.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I agree with @Judi, some people find it hard to say they had a great time, they enjoyed your company but their not into you.

I’m a girl, I’ve been in that spot and not sure why everything else is so great but there’s not enough “spark” I’m feeling to take it any farther. It’s awkward for both of you, trust me.

Like others have written, stop contacting her and go on other dates.

Tbag's avatar

Jee, I can’t even say anything since the guys in here answered perfectly! Hahaha @FutureMemory. I didn’t laugh for the whole day and just because of those two sentences you wrote I laughed !

GabrielsLamb's avatar

@Hibernate Your practicle nature always makes me rethink my own positions… You often remind me how I may very well be behaving slightly harsh and I can’t tell you how I appreciate that perspective. Thanks… POINTS!

Kardamom's avatar

This is one of the problems with online dating, as opposed to simply meeting people in places where you would otherwise be going about your life, like a class or at work or at any number of activities where you already know that the people you meet have at least some common interests. With online dating, you are simply looking at a photo (and the person is looking their very best and not necessarily what they usually look like on a regular basis) and then reading their words.

Reading words on an online site is simply not the same thing as talking to a person in real life, simply because you can not hear the tone of their voice or read their “body language.” Plus with an online dating site, people are clearly looking to date, but other than that, you have really no idea what kind of person they are, what their real interests are, if they like the same types of things that you do, or if their life goals are the same or if they have a similar sense of humor, all of the things that really need to be figured out in real life.

I get the fact that some people are super busy and the only way that they can date is to go online and then hope that it works out for the best. But in reality, online dating is really not a very good way to meet someone and truly get to know them. And it’s even worse for people who are shy or have some type of social anxiety, because online dating creates a big huge barrier to hide behind (for both parties) and as long as one or both of you are behind a barrier, you can’t get to know people.

Dating, in and of itself is not a very good way to get to truly know other people. On a date, you are hopefully on your best behavior, and you act in a certain way (that people do on dates with people they don’t know) and they mostly talk about superficial stuff.

But out in the real world, if you are going to school or participating in activities that you already love, you get to see people over and over and get to know them in a non-romantic and not forced situation. In other words, you get to know them as friends first, so you know a little bit about them, so that you can make a better choice as to whether you think they would make a good potential dating partner or girlfriend, or eventually a wife.

This particular woman is probably super busy (and really may not have the time to actually date you or eventually become a girlfriend). She’s just testing the waters, and unfortunately for both of you, there’s not much you can test or figure out from one short meeting, when you literally don’t know each other.

There are certainly plenty of cases where people have fallen in “love” or lust or whatever and they knew instantly that the other person was the one for them, but more often than not, most people that eventually end up dating or getting married, got to know each other in a friends situation first, over a long or short period of time (depending upon the individual situation) and then they came to the conclusion that they felt something more for that person. But if they had simply gone on one online date, they would not have even accepted another date (under the situation that you currently have) because it doesn’t flow naturally from mutual interests, to being friends, to feeling romantically inclined.

So I think what happened in your case is that you picked a very busy woman, she really doesn’t have time for you, it was impossible for either one of you to fall instantly into a romantic feeling for each other, and then you kind of texted and phoned her way too much and then she got annoyed with you before either one of you had a chance to get to know each other (over a period of time). It sounds like she is not interested in you, even though you really didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just that this super-fast online dating business is not useful for a lot of people. If she was interested, she would have let you know, very quickly, since she had all of your contact information.

Hibernate's avatar

@GabrielsLamb well thanks. I’m glad to be of some help.

CarterChen's avatar

Thanks @all for all your kind advises. Finally I got the really answer from her. hmm Please allow me using this poem to conclude this:

Look at me..
For the last time..
Look to these eyes of mine..
What can you see but “YOU”...
My dearest..
in this very moment..
You Took My face..My smile..My words..
And you made me A “MEMORY”
A ghost…
A dream..
You exchange a reality with an imagination..
I guess That is much easier..
Yes..That was easier…
In your sky..
I was a cloud..
You let me cry..
A cloud that cries…
Will surely die..
Will surely D I E..

Hibernate's avatar

Sounds nice.

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