I am not sure what I should classify myself as, except that I am definitely a libertarian when it comes to the subject of who someone else chooses to make love with and what they do when they get together—so long as it’s consensual, it’s no business of mine. I was a highly sexed child, thinking about it when I was really little. From the time I became aware of the difference between boys and girls, I knew I wanted to be a girl. I loved their clothes and their beauty and voices and everything about them. When I was 4 I asked my mom for a nightgown to sleep in. I am sure my dad was mortified, and I guess she convinced him that they should give me one and embarrassment would make me give it up, but that didn’t work. I loved that gown and would only part with it so it could be washed and returned to service.
I think that set the stage for a bad relationship with my father right from that point. When I grew out of that gown, they refused to allow a replacement. I still remember the sense of loss, and how that baby blue gown looked and felt. I struggled with gender identity up into my mid twenties. I got every close to undergoing transsexual surgery. As a requirement for approval by the psychologist monitoring my case, I lived and worked as a woman for nearly two years. I wrote a column for the LA Star. But when I learned that I could never be a real woman, could never have XX chromosomes, a uterus, ovaries or the extra layer of fat that makes women so soft and cuddly, I switched course. I decided I’d just learn to use what nature decided to give me to the fullest of my ability.
Now, I’m 67 years old, have been married (yes, to a woman) for 33 years, work out every day and have rippling muscles and sport a close cropped beard that’s almost all white. While I am fully faithful to my wife, in my heart of hearts I love making love with women or men. I fully support @Simone_De_Beauvoir‘s assertion that enforced binarism is wrong headed and we would all be better off if we’d lose the uprightness about gender issues and realize that there are as many answers out there as there are people to come up with them.
But to answer your question, I didn’t even realize that yesterday was National Coming Out Day. So to make up for that oversight, this is my coming out on Fluther. I’ve never shared these intimate details with the community before, and it feels good to let you all know that I’m just who I am, and if somebody wants to call that queer, that’s OK with me. I’m unique enough to proudly own that epithet.