**Please don’t be offended by anything I say here. Keep in mind that I’m young and this is the first time I’ve had serious doubt about my beliefs. I’m just trying to figure out where I stand. I don’t need to be lectured here. I’m just looking for some advice from those who may know more than I do about this stuff.**

I grew up in what I would consider a “loosely Christian” household. I was taught about God and Jesus and the Bible, but we never went to church and it was just something I accepted as truth. I was baptized at the age of 16, but I still don’t attend church or anything. Honestly, I’ve never been to a church I’ve wanted to attend more than once.

I’m now 21 and I’m engaged to a guy who I’d also consider “loosely Christian,” but I don’t think he knows enough about it to be as devout as he thinks he is. We’re good people and we try to live our lives the right way, as we see it, but if you ask us to rattle off a verse in the Bible, you’d be SOL.

I know I don’t live as a Christian, and therefore I don’t call myself a Christian. I’ve always just said, “I believe what I believe.” Recently, my mom has become more and more religious, to the point where it annoys me. I don’t tell her that, and I’m scared to tell her or my fiance that I’m doubting my beliefs. I keep telling myself it’s normal to have doubts, as I’m a self-proclaimed realist, but it’s really bothering me.

I don’t know how to even go about resolving this. Some may not think it’s a big deal, but I think it’s important to know what I do and do not believe. Truth be told, I find the majority of Christians to be hypocritical, judgmental people with holier than thou attitudes. I can’t stand be preached at and have certain beliefs shoved down my throat.

I don’t know if I believe in God. I always have, but now that I’m doing some research I’m just not sure. There are just so many contradictions in the Bible, not to mention things I just don’t believe or choose not to live by. I don’t think one should call themselves a Christian if all they’re doing is picking and choosing what to believe in the Bible. It’s ridiculous.

I’m liberal, that’s a given. I’m pro-choice, pro-gay marriage (or, as I call it, marriage), and I go by the “live and let live” motto. I know you can be liberal AND a Christian, but I don’t really see how. It just goes back to what I said about believing certain things and choosing to ignore other things. Like…stoning your children for straying from the faith, approving of slavery, damning people to hell for the smallest infraction when you, yourself, have committed sins as well. I mean, how can I believe in that?

It’s like I WANT to believe, but I can’t make myself. I just can’t believe it all just because. The whole “having faith” thing with absolutely no proof or logic doesn’t come easy to me. And honestly, I’m terrified that this kind of second guessing could land me in hell, if it exists.

Has anyone had similar thoughts before? If so, how did you resolve it?