I was, technically, and so was he, and it was no secret, given the times. In order to get birth control (usually diaphragm in those days), I had to go to the Gyno with my mother and my engagement ring and a wedding date.

Then I had to practice inserting the diaphragm, which I did in my bedroom with the door shut. Since I was a novice and the device was covered with slippery jelly, it kept spronging across the room and landing in dusty areas. (Similar to Twain’s Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County )

^ Comparatively, it took me some minutes of arguing with my new Gyno to convince her pre-exam I was actually a virgin when I was signing up for the Pill, five years ago.

I was a virgin when I got married. So was my wife. I don’t know how rare or common that is these days, but I’m sure there are still young people out there who are saving themselves for that very special person. I did, and I’m glad I did it.

My wife and I were.

@Seek_Kolinahr And, when I was pregnant with my son, the first visit I went into the woman that asked me pertinent health info was aghast that I had one sexual partner.

@john65pennington We weren’t. We’d dated for quite sometime before we did it, though.
Most of the people in our families waited until marriage. Both of my husbands brothers were virgins.

I hope the percentage is zero. It’s very irresponsible to get married as a virgin, and disrespectful to your partner.

We were technically virgins but knew that we were going to be just fine. And we were, in bed. The marriage fell apart for other reasons.

@SavoirFaire Are you mad? To share something such as the sanctity of your virginity with one partner for life is something special beyond words.

^ Meh. If I could do it over, I think I would have experimented more before settling down.

Not that my sex life is bad, but in retrospect, as much as I like chicken noodle, it’s not the only soup in the world, know what I mean?

Out of my office of 30, three of the guys were virgins when they married. This was recently, within the last 5 years.

Probably more than would admit it. My wife and I weren’t, and I don’t think we lost out on anything.

@Seek_Kolinahr Being content with one person for life is something that society has forgotten how to do it seems. Sad really.

Judging from the world of literature both ancient and modern, it’s something the world has never been good at. Ever.

Well, of unmarried people ages 18–29, 88% have premarital sex. For evangelical Christians (unmarried, 18–29), the percentage is only slightly lower at 88%. (Source) And the older someone is, the less likely they are to wait until marriage (it’s a lot easier to wait if you’re getting married when you’re 20 than when you’re 45). And what percentage of couples where both partners are virgins, not one is and one isn’t? I don’t know, but it’s gotta be pretty low.

@digitalimpression Society never knew how to be content with one person. The idea that your spouse should be your world, your best friend, your one and only, and that you can’t have best friends and close friends and less close friends and not so close friends helping you meet all those goals, and you definitely can’t have discreet affairs from time to time? That’s seriously new, even newer than people divorcing.

THe percentage is really low. Not even those who should wait for having sex don’t wait. Sad? I dunno.

@digitalimpression Having sex before marriage is compatible with only having one sexual partner in life. Marriage is not something that should be taken lightly, however, especially if one plans to be completely monogamous. You are suggesting that people make a promise to sexual fidelity before they could even know anything about what that promise means. That is irresponsible, and it is also disrespectful.

@SavoirFaire I don’t know how to relate to your viewpoint so I’ll just leave it at that. Your opinion sounds like complete rubbish to me. But you’re of course welcome to it.

If I marry my BF, then I will not have been a virgin, but I will have slept with only one man.

@Seek_Kolinahr I honestly totally get what you mean. But I look at myself and think ‘that’s not my personality.’ I’m a very careful, emotional person. I can’t see myself having sex with someone as a mere ‘experimentation.’ So I wonder if those regrets really are part and parcel of our personalities?

@digitalimpression And your opinion sounds downright immoral to me. But tell me: given that having sex before marriage is compatible with only having one sexual partner in life, how do any of your prior statements really contradict anything I have said? You talk of the specialness of sharing sexual relations with only one person. Nothing you have said yet explains why the specialness can only be obtained if one also waits until a social ritual has been performed.

Personally, I’m happy my BF came into the picture with some experience, because he really knows what he’s doing down there…

Nope and neither was my husband. It was nice for me because he was much better than the others.

Sexual prowess and experience is actually supposed to be a turn-on for women. I don’t know where people get this ‘let’s lose our virginity together’ business. No. I can lose mine to you, I don’t care. But you better know what you’re doing when I do.

No.
Neither my ex or I were virgins when we married, although I had more experiences than he did. Hey, it was the 70’s. ;-)

However….my daughter and her bf were both virgins still at 21 and have been together for 3 years now. I think it’s very sweet, and, well, lets just say she held out about 5 years longer than her mama. lol

It’s terrible how the word virgin has taken on a negative connotation these days. Being a virgin used to be the right thing to do; nowadays people see it as “uncool”, an aberration. Weird! :(

According to some people my wife will always be a virgin. I certainly was not. I can’t even imagine. Once you get to a certain age (~25) being a virgin is kinda sad and to me seems like a psychological problem.

Well, we are all born again virgins with every new experience. Maybe not in the physical sense but in the emotional sense. ;-)

Not a virgin sorry, KatawaGrey, the truth had to come out sometime ;-) and never married, but I’m old enough to remember when that was considered important. I never understood why then, and I don’t understand now why some still feel that way. Anyone want to try to enlighten me?

@JilltheTooth The excessive use of emotions to add meaning to everything?

If you only counted the Mormans, it would be close to zero.

(Morman girls were wild when I was growing up)

@MRSHINYSHOES Sorry, but it’s been uncool for a long time:

“It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.”
—Voltaire

I’m not married, I don’t know if I ever will be, and it’s too late for me to marry while virginal anyway.

To be honest, I’m not sure why people consider virginity to be a virtue anyway. Sex is a thing that adult people do. Not having done it isn’t virtuous to me any more than not having done taxes before is virtuous.

@SavoirFaire They never can just “leave it at that” can they? XD

It’s immoral to have one partner throughout life? Now I know you’re mad. I’m not sure what you’re on about with the “compatible” thing so….

The reason it is special is because the vows actually mean something in such a relationship. When you bring two people together who are willing to save themselves for marriage and commit themselves to marriage it is pretty awesome.

The fact that you refer to marriage as a “social ritual” is reason enough for me to stop conversing with you really… you don’t see the sanctity in much of anything it would seem.

My grandparents were together until death parted them. 76 years. Needless to say, they were in this kind of relationship.

I know that you cannot, but just for a second.. try to imagine what it would be like to be with someone who knows nothing but you. There are no expectations, no skewed societal implications to a sexual relationship.. There’s no “she did it this way” or “the other guy was bigger” in the back of their minds.. There is only the bond shared in marriage and strengthened by everlasting monogamy.

This is immoral? I fail to see how.

People seem to value sex more than the other facets of a relationship.. the focus shifts to physical rather than emotional pleasure. Sex is a great thing, don’t get me wrong.. but it’s something that a husband and wife can learn and explore together .

Bah.. I don’t even know why I bother. Based on the statistics it’s not very likely that anyone else here can even empathize with the wonderful experiences I’ve had in my 12 wonderful years of marriage. It’s not likely that you will ever be able to based on your upbringing in a world becoming more liberal by the second. It is “uncool” to have this kind of relationship? Really? Is that supposed to mean something? I suppose it means that “society” has told you that its better to be a pro at sex before marriage because that’s better for your future partner. I suppose it means promiscuity is actually a tool that can strengthen marriage. Sheer and utter madness..

Have you ever wondered why divorce rates are climbing? Have you ever tried to figure out why that may be? Seems blatantly obvious to me.

No, but I wonder what the percentage of virgin couples that don’t plan to marry is?

@digitalimpression : While I appreciate your dedication to your ideal, and I applaud the quality of your marriage Really I do, there is no sarcasm here this statement of yours: “Bah.. I don’t even know why I bother. Based on the statistics it’s not very likely that anyone else here can even empathize with the wonderful experiences I’ve had in my 12 wonderful years of marriage. It’s not likely that you will ever be able to based on your upbringing in a world becoming more liberal by the second.” seems a bit presumptuous that yours is the only way. I have known a number of marriages that were so loving and good, where the couples were absolute in their devotion to each other, where they fell more in love with each other every day, where it was the second (or third) marriage for both of them.

@SavoirFaire ”

“I hope the percentage is zero. It’s very irresponsible to get married as a virgin, and disrespectful to your partner.”

I’m not quite sure I understand what you’re saying, why is it irresponsible and disrespectful for couples to be virgins when they marry?

@whoever This is obviously turning into one of those run-of-the-mill arguments where one side (flabbergasted at the other side’s opinion) tries to justify their own opinion by outlining their reasons whereupon the other other side returns fire in kind. It’s pointless. Suffice it to say, in response to the original question, numbers are dwindling.

@digitalimpression You mean debate?

@Blackberry No, actually I mean what I typed. Huge difference.

@MRSHINYSHOES I totally agree with that. Sometimes I feel like I belong in an older time. I didn’t lose mine until 22, and even that was late because most of my friends lost it earlier. And when I say most I mean all but about 2 of them. I felt like I was going into the game really late.

I put a lot of thought into losing my virginity to who I lost it to (we’re still together—one yr relationship and going strong. And can you believe it.. one of my friends said I have intimacy issus! She said because I was afraid to experiment with sex and let myself go, not necessarily to the first guy who wants to be in a relationship, that I have intimacy issues.

So I totally get where you’re coming from. Incidentally, I’ve also been able to find a really great guy and the sex we have I wouldn’t trade for years of useless f*cking around.

@digitalimpression “It’s immoral to have one partner throughout life?”

No, that is not what I said. What I was objecting to is your view that people should remain virgins until they are married.

“I’m not sure what you’re on about with the ‘compatible’ thing so...”

Two things are logically compatible when they can both be true at the same time. You have assumed that having only one sexual partner and being virgins at the time of marriage are a package deal, but it is possible to have only one sexual partner and still not be virgins at the time of marriage. The process goes like this: have sex with someone for the first time, then marry that person, then never have another sexual partner. Monogamy does not require marriage.

“The reason it is special is because the vows actually mean something in such a relationship.”

But you’ve done nothing to explain why those vows must come before the first time the couple has sex in order for them to be meaningful.

“When you bring two people together who are willing to save themselves for marriage and commit themselves to marriage it is pretty awesome.”

But again, what is the value of saving oneself for marriage over and above the value of saving yourself for a single sexual partner? If the institution of marriage did not exist, but people could still stay together for their entire lives, would it be impossible for their commitment to one another to be “awesome”?

“The fact that you refer to marriage as a ‘social ritual’ is reason enough for me to stop conversing with you really... you don’t see the sanctity in much of anything it would seem.”

There can’t be any sanctity to a social ritual? Interesting. Please explain why. Because to me it seems like something being a social ritual doesn’t immediately make it worthless.

“My grandparents were together until death parted them. 76 years. Needless to say, they were in this kind of relationship.”

I don’t think it’s “needless to say” because I think people can have a great relationship even if they didn’t get married before having sex for the first time. (I also think that people can have a great relationship without monogamy, but that’s clearly something you can’t even consider discussing at this point.)

“I know that you cannot, but just for a second.. try to imagine what it would be like to be with someone who knows nothing but you.”

Odd that you think I cannot imagine what this would be like. I’ve dated virgins before, and the first person I had sex with was also a virgin at the time.

“There are no expectations, no skewed societal implications to a sexual relationship.. There’s no ‘she did it this way’ or ‘the other guy was bigger’ in the back of their minds.. There is only the bond shared in marriage and strengthened by everlasting monogamy.”

This seems to be more about your personal insecurities than anything else. Regardless, you still haven’t explained why marriage is necessary for this kind of connection. As far as I can tell, you are resting the whole thing on monogamy but cannot separate the concepts of monogamy, marriage, and waiting for marriage in your mind.

“This is immoral? I fail to see how.”

You fail to see how because you don’t actually understand what I’ve said. I don’t think monogamy is immoral. I think it is immoral to make a lifelong sexual commitment without knowing what it is to which you are actually committing yourself. Making a promise to someone from a place of ignorance is irresponsible, and demanding that someone make a promise to you from a place of ignorance is immoral.

“People seem to value sex more than the other facets of a relationship... the focus shifts to physical rather than emotional pleasure.”

Is this poorly worded, or are you suggesting that one cannot get emotional pleasure out of sex? Because if it’s the latter, then you are sadly mistaken (and would be casting serious doubt on your claims about the merits of waiting until marriage).

“Sex is a great thing, don’t get me wrong... but it’s something that a husband and wife can learn and explore together.”

It’s also something that an unmarried couple who plan to stay together and monogamous can explore together without the need for a social ritual to make it magical for them.

“Based on the statistics it’s not very likely that anyone else here can even empathize with the wonderful experiences I’ve had in my 12 wonderful years of marriage.”

I’ve been with my wife for ten years. So unless all of those experiences happened in the last two years, I have a feeling I could empathize with some of them.

“I suppose it means that ‘society’ has told you that its better to be a pro at sex before marriage because that’s better for your future partner. I suppose it means promiscuity is actually a tool that can strengthen marriage. Sheer and utter madness.”

Said the person who has admitted he has no idea what the thing he’s criticizing is like. Do you also judge photographs without looking at them?

“Have you ever wondered why divorce rates are climbing? Have you ever tried to figure out why that may be? Seems blatantly obvious to me.”

Divorce rates have been declining steadily since the early 80s even as rates of cohabitation and premarital sex have risen. So what seems “blatantly obvious” to you turns out to in fact be blatantly false.

@Keep_on_running “why is it irresponsible and disrespectful for couples to be virgins when they marry?”

Because making a promise that you cannot understand is irresponsible, and that’s what is happening when a virgin promises sexual fidelity in marriage (not that marriages have to be monogamous, but that’s clearly the presumption we’re working with here). And it is disrespectful to make a promise to someone that you don’t have any understanding of and therefore cannot know you can keep. When virgins marry, any vows they make regarding sexual fidelity are just words to them. They cannot have any idea what they really mean.

(This is all assuming mutual interest in a sexual relationship, of course, and leaving aside the complication of people being virgins because they aren’t interested in sex. If two people get married and never have sex because neither wants a sexual relationship, that’s something entirely different since they aren’t really making the relevant promises to one another. Also, I am deliberately arguing for something slightly more radical than what I actually believe in order to force people to reevaluate positions that they previously thought to be safe retreats. A lot of people take the moral positions they have not because they think what they advocate is strictly necessary, but rather that it is at least unassailably permissible. It is useful to occasionally disturb this kind of intellectual torpor.)