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mrsunlawfulentry1's avatar

Police officer husband abusing his power~can anyone help me?

Asked by mrsunlawfulentry1 (29points) October 26th, 2011
15 responses
“Great Question” (7points)

I am looking for advice and help in an abusive relationship~I’m married to a policeman who abuses his power. Any ideas?

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john65pennington's avatar

I am willing to give you a good answer, but I need more information.

You can send me a private email and I will assist you. jp

Kayak8's avatar

@mrsunlawfulentry1 @john65pennington is a good source for information on this topic. You are also welcome to PM me and I will do what I can.

gorillapaws's avatar

@john65pennington is a retired officer and a very stand-up person. I would trust his advice in a heartbeat. Best wishes, stay safe and good luck.

Jeruba's avatar

This is a much better way to approach the question, @mrsunlawfulentry1. I think it would be all right for you to link to your blog post now that you’ve been asked for more information.

And I was hoping that @john65pennington would tune in. I think he’ll know what to do.

bkcunningham's avatar

I hope John can help her out with some good advise on who to talk with about her situation. Scary stuff.

whitetigress's avatar

Go onto the streets with a huge sign that reads, “Your tax dollars pay for my husband to be a police man, he comes homes and beats me”

Nullo's avatar

I would think that his status as a police officer would hurt his case even more – as a public servant there are more pressures for him to be a good, upstanding citizen. But then, there are unspoken “badge for a badge” rules which might undermine the effectiveness of such things.

syz's avatar

Why haven’t you contacted a lawyer?

syz (35649points)“Great Answer” (0points)
XOIIO's avatar

@syz Have you been on the receiving end of an abusive relationship?

syz's avatar

Physically, no. Emotionally, yes. But she’s expending all of this energy blogging about her life, and seeking help on the web, when it seems a much more direct route to get legal counsel. Even if she can’t afford a lawyer, most communities have some pro bono legal aid.

Did you happen to see the first iteration of this question?

syz (35649points)“Great Answer” (1points)
XOIIO's avatar

@syz True, but she might not have the confidence to do it, and physical would be even more scary I imagine.

CaptainHarley's avatar

Yes, John Pennington can help you, even if he is a retired flatfoot! Heh!

Seaofclouds's avatar

When you say you are looking for advice, are you talking about advice to try to save your marriage or advice to get out of it? There’s a big difference between the two. If you just want to get out and get away, you have to find a lot of personal strength. I know it can be really hard to leave abusive relationships, but it really is for the best. If you can find a place to go, that would be the best first step. That way you are removing yourself from the situation. You could try going to a friend or family member’s house or check out local women’s shelters. Have you ever considered talking to his boss at work?

When you say he abuses his power, what exactly does that entail? Are you talking about just with you at home or does he do other things as well while out in public or at work?

I hope you will take @john65pennington up on his offer to help you. Good luck!

cazzie's avatar

I´ve been in her situation, but wasn´t legally married, but common law. I went in to the station, after our break up and talked to his sergent and told him what had been going on, but there was little else I could do. I never took pictures of the bruises, or laid a complaint at the time. I was too embarrassed. I have no idea what happened to him. I got some feed back from friends who saw him. They gave me the indication the he´d never see a higher rank or get much work other than traffic duty. They understood he couldn´t be trusted, but couldn´t prove enough to throw him off the force. (This all happened in New Zealand… I know he hooked up with an even younger girl and I felt so bad for her. Just a clueless wide eyed puppy, she was.)

Not like it was an easy secret to hide. The people at my work saw bruises around my neck once and a black eye another time, close to the break up. They also saw the results of his controlling nature. I wasn´t allowed to have a bank account of my own, even though I had a job and my own income. I wasn´t allowed to go out with friends without him. Young and stupid, I was.

My advice is to document everything. Take pictures of things he´s broken and keep copies of anything he writes of a hateful nature. If he hurts you, make sure you get witnesses and pictures.

Get away from him. I know, easier said than done, but you will feel like an anchor has been cut from your neck.

jerv's avatar

Like the military, the police have their own little culture, and there are enough “unwritten rules” that you will need a guide to help you get results. I strongly recommend that you accept Mr. Pennington’s offer of help; he is a great man, and he knows how things really work on the other side of the thin blue line.

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