So many times.
When my sisters left.
When my parents got a divorce.
I swear I felt a tear inside of me, when Nick left.
When Asher died.
When Chaos ran away… That’s been the hardest.
Every day, when Gage continues to ignore me…
I’m surprised I even have a heart, anymore.

Yes, about 6 years ago and it was the worst mental and physical pain I have ever felt in my life. I would rather die than go through that kind of pain again and that’s not an exaggeration.

It’s be torn a few times before and since then but that is nothing compared to those few months of actual heartbreak. My partner has helped me heal to a certain extent but there are still very prominent scars which I doubt will ever go away. I trust people far less than I used too and I suffer anxiety at the slightest thing.

One time when I involved myself to much into a relationship. I learned that in the end it’s me only. I help out, I love friends , family my SO. But I learned to grow over them really fast. So now if someone tries to hurt me the first reaction is to smile and think of all the bad times in the past.

Yes, I have. It’s all part of the journey and I’ll always carry a part of that sadness with me.

Several times. Its amazing that it can somehow glue itself back together over time.

O yes. In the long run, it makes you a better human being. You have more compassion for others and understand pain like that. It never goes away completely. It becomes part of who you are. It softens with the years and the tears become a sigh.

Oh, you know it. Happened again not too long ago, to boot. I’ve healed up from the first few, but this one still kind of has my head spinning..

Many times. There has been the usual frustrations of not getting what you- the other person doesn’t want it but those didn’t have much of a widespread impact.

Tough was giving up my first marriage to my best friend. We didn’t know what was wrong or why it changed from romantic to platonic so we took people’s advice to “hang in there”, go to counselors, all kinds of stuff. Because we had so much love, it’s was horribly awkward and baffling but in the end we split in order to save our friendship and sanity.

Tough was giving up my last relationship. Again, there was so much love between us but drug addiction, alcoholism and deep seeded bitterness was very physical and over time it wore down the love that couldn’t be seen but was always taken for granted to overcome any obstacle. To this day, I know my ex SO loves me dearly but in a different way that is more constructive. I love him too but not as a partner. Trying to hold onto an ideal, throwing your efforts at it can’t always overcome everything.

Yes.

In my experience, though, breaking the heart of someone you loved feels much worse.

My heart has been broken so many times that I don’t even bother picking up the pieces. I just protect what’s left of this so called life line. I lock it up and never let anyone come near it.
I don’t think a single person will go their entire lives without having their heart broken at least once.

Yes.

It was so painful, I still feel the echos of it 37 years later.
If I think on it too long, I become deeply depressed, so I don’t.

My last girlfriend ripped my heart out of my chest and ate it in front of me, about 6 yrs ago. The girl who repaired my heart, has recently broken it herself. She promised to never break it and how she loved me more and more with every minute, which was said as recently as the day she decided to be alone for a while. I was completely shocked by it and so was everyone else. God, I hope this is just menopause or her mid-life crisis… It’s like my heart was on the mend, but still as fragile as thin glass and she dropped it and it shattered all over the place. I’m missing pieces, more pieces than I thought were possible. It hurts and it hurts real frikkin bad, kinda like white-hot lightening bolts surging through my body. Can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t do hardly anything – I miss her so bad. Lost over 40 lbs in about a month. I’m trying to do anything I can to distract and take care of/comfort myself, though nothing is working. My friends have really disappointed me on this one. with the exception of one. I’m going to be feeling this for a long, long, LONG time. All I want is for her to come back to me/give me another chance to prove to her that we are good and can make new, good memories together.

@spykenij Awwww I’m so sorry. I’m not usually one to be touched, but that really touched my heart. ;( Maybe you can join a club or something to take your mind off her.

I appreciate it. Actually, when I met her, I met her on Myspace and her nickname was bluj. I saved your profile pic for her the other day. It’s a cool pic! I’m still hanging on and she did say she was expriencing 24 symptoms of “the pause” yesterday. This weekend was the 1st weekend where she wasn’t running out the door to avoid me. She stayed home. I cooked, I cleaned, I did laundry, got her flowers one morning and made breakfast… At least we can co-exist right now, under the same roof, without her going straight for my jugular and me reacting, rather than responding. It’s a step. Had plans for tonight, but the person I made them with forgot and now I’m stuck at home, alone on Halloween. I called a friend and asked him what he and his partner were up to and he said they were going to dinner, but would call me. For some reason, I don’t think it’s going to happen. Just had a really bad experience with a doctor I needed help from, like a month ago. She assumed, called me a junkie for having to go into the ER 4 times within a week because I have a frikkin medical condition that no one has ever heard of and all but my ex refuse to accept – Central Sensitization. It’s pain so bad that it makes me violently throw up and keep throwing up. It’s been a rough, extemely embarassing problem to deal with that is only made worse with stress and anxiety. My mom has been pushing my buttons so much for so long that I am completely done with her. I am tired of hearing all their mystery diagnosis BS – I know what I have, The Cleveland Clinic diagnosed me with it after a differential nerve block AND proving it wasn’t other shit by having pieces parts removed (surgically endometriosis and a partial hysterectomy). I tend to want to think that The Cleveland Clinic knows what the f’ it’s doing and ruling other shit out proves it’s nothing else similar. I just need my meds back, but no…she wants to play with medications when I already have been through this and know what works and what doesn’t. At least the bitch gave me 24 hrs to get info that my referring asswad, shitty family doc should have already sent over to her via fax before the appointment. Sigh…all I keep thinking is that I don’t know what I know anymore. She said she fell for me because of reasons I already know and that I still have those qualities. She said I would give the shirt off my back to all of my friends. I don’t know what she’s talking about. I don’t see it, but I know I have a warped sense of self. She said she felt a little lonely before we met, but it didn’t bother her to be alone and that she was ok with keeping herself occupied with her friends. Isn’t that more or less, just running from your problems? She admitted to running from her problems and sticking her head in the sand. Shouldn’t there be a little more to it then, since it was an admitted problem? I can’t move on. I can’t leave her when she is having a problem. I want to be there for her, no matter the cost to me – I just don’t care and I know I can handle any problem she’d ever have with 2 exceptions. First, no one hits me, especially when I WILL NOT hit back. Second, no one cheats on me and at this point, she’s “free,” though both of us know she isn’t even thinking about another person or a different relationship. I wish I were able to go out and bang some chick, but I can’t do that and if I did, guilt would make me collapse inside. I better stop before a book can be published from this shit. Anyhooter, thank you. It touches me to know that it touched anyone.

Sort of. It was more a small crack than a full break. I’ve always been too conscientious and withdrawn to put myself in a state of vulnerability to cause a heartbreak, for I’ve built emotional strongholds to defend against such things, which I’ve recently noticed, has hindered me.

Why are dudes so afraid of being with one girl or guy for the rest of their lives? What is it about forever that is so terrifying to anyone? I don’t get it. If my ex were hit by a Mack truck and needed her ass wiped tomorrow, I would be there to take care of her because I love her that much and she knows this – even after the breakup. Anyone, please enlighten me on fearing forever.

@spykenij I’d love forever.

@spykenji: You know how a lot of people say monogamy isn’t a natural human state? Pay attention and avoid trying to monogamize those particular people. Don’t fight it, you don’t want those kind. If they have to work at being faithful, if it requires they need religion for monogamy to make sense to them instead of a feeling in their gut, in their heart then don’t accept that. There are people out there who don’t have to twist themselves inside and out, give in or be won over in order to embrace monogamy and forever. Keep looking and you’ll find more than just one.