I think this is a very complex question. I think a lot of this happens where we don’t see it happening. I’m no better than anyone else at it. For example, I claim that I write on fluther for myself. I like the questions and I like thinking things through and I’ll generally say what I think. But there are times when I know that what I think is something I’ll get a lot of shit for, and I’d rather not receive that shit because even though it comes from people I don’t know, it still stresses me. So I won’t say everything I think, even here, where I am anonymous.
I doubt there is a person alive who can honestly claim they truly don’t care what anyone else thinks of them. If you do care, then it is guaranteed that you change your behavior based on your perception of what others think.
If people truly didn’t care, then no one could be shamed. You show me a person who says they can’t be shamed, and I’ll show you a sociopath.
My desires are, of course, a top priority, but I have to do a lot for others or else they won’t be interested in having anything to do with me. I’m not different in this compared to anyone else, I don’t believe. We all live in a network of relationships and it is crucial that we maintain those relationships. I’d hazard a guess that at least 95% of our activity is influenced by others, and there is very little we do that is completely independent of anyone else.