Fluther: How much dating is long enough before marriage? My brother went ...

How much dating is long enough before marriage? My brother went 2 yrs. with his current wife. I'm 10yrs older than him and still single, but I have a better career. So how long?

Asked by cmomoCPA (152

) November 3rd, 2011
21 responses
“Great Question” (4

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I’ve been dating a girl for about 3 months.
I’ve been in 4 long term relationships for the past 8 years.
She has been in the same situation.
We are both Taurus.
She’s 5 years younger than me.
I’m 35.
She’s help me realize things about myself I kind always knew but didn’t put out there.
I’m helping her with her issues.
How long is long enough to date?

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Topics: engagement, dating, marriage

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Answers

It’s your life. You decide. If you are both ready, then propose if you are so inclined.

SpatzieLover (24606

)“Great Answer” (3

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Welcome on Fluther.

You’ll know when it’s right to make the step. Don’t wait too much though. If she’s ready she’ll say yes [if she loves you and wants to spend her life with you].

Hibernate (9091

)“Great Answer” (1

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Six months was plenty of time for my wife and I, before we married. It was long enough for us to know each other pretty good, yet not too long. I am a Sag and my wife is a Cancer. Exact opposites in the astrology world. We knew this going into our marriage and decided to try to be the odds of opposites attracting each other. I think we have won that bet with 46 years together, so far.

I do believe that each couple is different with different circumstances.

john65pennington (29258

)“Great Answer” (2

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It depends on the individuals, but you should really know you are ready. It helps to tackle every issue at hand and decide how compatible you guys are. And it would also help not to factor in pseudoscience like astrology in such a life altering decision.

Blackberry (33949

)“Great Answer” (2

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There is no one long enough. It’s very much a case by case thing.

That said, I would want to date someone for a minimum of a year, and preferably live with them for some chunk of time prior to proposing.

tedd (14078

)“Great Answer” (3

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{Removed by me due to noobiness.}

zensky (13418

)“Great Answer” (4

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Every relationship is different. My husband and I married after dating for only 10 months. That was almost 20 years ago and we are still very much in love.

jonsblond (43665

)“Great Answer” (2

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I dated for about 18 months before getting engaged, then the engagement was 10 months. I’ve had friends get engaged after 2 or 3 months; some worked out, some didn’t.

Most of the details you gave, other than your age, really don’t mean anything one way or the other except where you say she is helping you become your true self, and you are helping her on issues. It sounds like she may be the person that you love for herself, and she loves you for who you are. If that’s how you each feel, then talking about marriage is absolutely fine.

zenvelo (39408

)“Great Answer” (1

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I got engaged to my GF of 3 years last week. Officially. I oasked her to marry me after having known her for a week.

The ring was just a formality… we already had a date set and everything. It was a matter of how and when I would give it to her.. not so much “if”.

Dr_C (14339

)“Great Answer” (4

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Well, @Dr_C, congratulations! ;0)

GracieT (7393

)“Great Answer” (1

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I was sure that I wasn’t going to get married until I was at least 30. But then I met my husband and fell in love and got married at 21. Funny how life interferes with our best laid plans.

tranquilsea (17775

)“Great Answer” (3

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There is an argument in a book I read recently that says you should go through all 4 seasons with someone before making any important decisions with them. The key sentence on the topic reads: It takes time to get to know someone well, and for them to feel sufficiently confident in you to drop their guard.

Whilst I completely see the sense in that, I also think that (to use the book’s phrase) people can drop their guard sooner, and it certainly sounds like for you the both of you have got to that point.

Go with your gut, be yourself, share yourself… if you are well suited, it is likely she will be in the same place as you.

@Dr_C Congratulations!

harple (10448

)“Great Answer” (1

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I waited four years & still got it wrong; that lasted for four years, almost five……:-/ When you feel it’s right yourself, take the plunge. A friend of mine waited almost twenty two years before he jumped in…..

Scooby (10294

)“Great Answer” (0

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Keep dating until you either can’t imagine life without her (in which case you propose) or until you no longer want to be together (in which case you break up).

marinelife (62485

)“Great Answer” (3

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I recommend living with your chosen one for a year before deciding to get married.
You learn a lot about someone while living with them that you won’t when dating.
In particular you find out what they’re like in down-time when they’re not ‘up’ for a date.

dabbler (18896

)“Great Answer” (3

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I had a long distance relationship with my wife for 16 months when I proposed to her. A month later we were living together and exactly six months later we got married. We are now married for nearly two months and life couldn’t be much better.

It all depends on the individual though. I mean I and my wife went through pretty rough things in our reasonably short relationship but we came out stronger. All the crap showed us that marriage wasn’t a rushed step to take.

If we could handle so many things (cancer scare, two miscarriages, family fallouts etc) after just being together for two years, then there would be no reason why we couldn’t spend the rest of our lives together.

Bart19 (1020

)“Great Answer” (1

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