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muffin16's avatar

What are some funny jokes you can think of off the top of your head?

Asked by muffin16 (63points) November 8th, 2011
12 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

I’m dead on jokes; I can’t think of any. Help me out over here. Any kind of joke is fine just as long as it makes me laugh.

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Coloma's avatar

A man throws a costume party with the theme of come dressed as an emotion.

The guests begin to arrive and the host answers the first knock at the door to see a man dressed all in green.

” And what are you? ” he says to the guest, ” I am green with envy” the guest replies.
” Come on in” says the host.

Soon another party goer arrives and upon answering the door he sees a woman dressed all in red.

” And what are you?” says the party host. ” I am red with rage” says the woman.

“Come on in” says the host.

Soon, a third knock upon the door and when the host answers he sees a man standing before him totally naked with a pear on the end of his dick.

“And what emotion are you?” asks the host. ” I am fucking DIS-PAIR” says the man.


bkcunningham's avatar

Do you know the one about the old fellow from North Carolina sitting on his front porch rocking and spitting tobacco into a spittoon when a nice shiney Lexus with New York state license plates pulls up. The trunk pops open and a big city slicker slides out of the front seat and goes around to the back and takes out a bucket.

The fellow from North Carolina just sats there rocking back and forth watching. The Yankess walks around the side of the house and as he passes the porch he says, Excuse me, Sir. I heard there was some milkweed in this field behind your house. If you don’t mind, I’m going to get me a bucket of milk.”

The old feller keeps rocking and says, “Help yourself.” He laughs to and says, “Dumb Yankee.”

A little while later, the man comes back around the house with a bucket of milk. Puts it in his trunk and leaves. The old fellow scratches his head and wonders how that happened. He figures it was some sort of trick.

About a week later, the same Lexus with New York state tags pulls up. The trunk pops open and the New Yorker gets out and retrieves a bucket. He walks toward the porch where the old Tarheel is sitting rocking and spitting. As he’s passing the man, he says, “Excuse me, sir. I heard there was some honey suckle in the field behind your house. If I may get your permission, I’d like to get some honey.”

The old man laughs to himself and says, “Sure, why not. Help yourself.” Dumb Yankee.

A few hours later the man returns. His bucket full of honey. He gets in his nice shiney car and leaves. The old man can’t figure out how this is happening, but figures it is some trick the city slicker is pulling on him.

Well, about a week later, the same car, the same man and the same bucket pull up in front of the house in North Carolina. The fellow is sitting on the porch rocking. The New Yorker comes toward the porch, bucket in tow. “Sir, I have heard there is pussy willow…”

The old man jumps up, “What?!! Wait,I’m going with you!”

bkcunningham's avatar

OMGoodness, @Coloma! That is hilarious.

muffin16's avatar

I don’t get it @coloma. Explain?

Coloma's avatar


Dispare is an emotion…he is saying he is f’ing dis-pear. A play on words. Um..I don’t how else to explain. lol

muffin16's avatar

No I got that one. Its the other one I didn’t get.

muffin16's avatar

That one was funny. :)

bkcunningham's avatar

You don’t get my pussy willow joke, @muffin16? If I have to explain it, well. Never mind. Sorry.

EmptyNest's avatar

A blonde tells her girlfriend that her boyfriend has dandruff and asks what she should do. The girlfriend says, give him Head and Shoulders. The blonde asks, “how do I give shoulders?”

sneezedisease's avatar

~~My joke is really nasty. Reader discretion is advised~~

Two tramps are bragging to each other.

Tramp #1: I once found $20 on the ground. I was drunk for three days!

Tramp #2: Oh yeah, while one day I found a woman tied to the train tracks. I untied her and we went into the woods and had sex for a week.

Tramp #1: Wow, did you get a blow job?

Tramp #2: No. I couldn’t find the head.


ucme's avatar

Colonel Gaddafi still lives, apparently they killed Jackie Stallone by mistake. What the fuck was she doing in Libya?
Was Gaddafi killed in his hometown? It’s a dead sirte.

Ayesha's avatar

A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”

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