@shoily Yeah, no.
a) Doing something stupid/insensitive/wrong/asshole-ish with good intentions behind it doesn’t make it any less stupid/insensitive/wrong/asshole-ish. You acted like you didn’t appreciate your boyfriend, on purpose it seems, to make him feel like you weren’t “melting for him”. Newsflash: that’s not what one expects from the person they love. That’s called “playing mind games”, and it’s one of the most egregious acts of not-love one could ever do. It’s exploting the bond that you have with another person to gain the upper hand in your relationship. It’s acting insincerely to deliberately give a different impression to the other person than what you actually feel, thus decieving them and breaking the implicit trust in a sentimental relationship. Can you guess what impression you gave? That’s right, that you didn’t actually like him.
I’m sorry if you thought that made any goddamned sense, because it doesn’t. If you want to be with someone you’ve got to let them know because, no matter how much someone wants to be with somoene else, they’re not going to do so despite that person. If i feel the desire is not mutual, i’m going to leave, like any sane person would do.
b) too fucking bad if she doesn’t want to put pressure on him. She’s clearly doing so and she needs to learn to handle relationships like a decent fucking human being. The hard way if possible.
c) so think a lot of times before dumping your girlfriend because she might really love you but she might want things in a way different than you.
If she wants things in a different way, she should stop playing mind games, grow up and fucking say so. That way they can be on a level playing field. Whatever the intention, this is not an excuse for deliberately straining the relationship for no good reason other than egoistic disney princess fantasies.
d) in the end marriage is a way to compensate for each other and finding a way to balance
This is so wrong on so many levels it’s not even funny. It’s because people think like you that the divorce rate is so high in the US. Marriage is putting a signature on a piece of paper that ratifies that your relationship is now official and therefore recognised by the state. That’s it. It does nothing, nothing, as to what you feel towards the other person, and if you go into it thinking it will, guess what? Crushing disappointment, right around the corner.
A healthy relationship must come before that step, otherwise it’s never going to work, regardless of whatever you might have been told by idiots all around the world. It’s like people who have kids because they think having kids will make the other person want to be part of their lives, and therefore keep the relationship together. Nevermind the damage the kid’s going to accumulate over time, especially after the inevitable divorce once they both find out that, obviously, having kids didn’t change jack on how they feel towards eachother.
If you treat your relationships like a framework where you test your potential partners, prepare to be disappointed. Nobody wants a relationship where they’re evaluated by the other person like they have to prove their worth because they’re the flawed ones that have to measure up to the other’s idea of perfection.