“Christ this place smells like shit!” – Mother Theresa

“Think not of what Fluther can do for you, think of what you can do for Fluther.” – JFK

“Think not of what Fluther can do for you, think of what you can do for Fluther.”—Ben

“If I don’t pull out in time… you’re fucked!” – Madoff

“I thought the last act of the play was compelling,” Abraham Lincoln.

“Oh…. my… God!” – Richard Dawkins

“The ends justify the means.” – Machiavelli

“Luke… I am your father.” – Darth Vader

“Elementary, My Dear Watson” – Sherlock Holmes

“I can see Russia from my house.” –Sarah Palin

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.”–Mahatma Gandhi

@King_Pariah “can you produce a quote that could (not) have been said by a famous dude/dudess?”

I don’t think the Indians will give us any trouble today, Custer.

“Best question ever!”-Gailcalled.

“I did have sex with that woman,” Bill Clinton.

“Four score and seven pints ago” Abe Lincoln.

@RealEyesRealizeRealLies that’s the thing. Those are all misquotes. None of those people actually said that.

<sigh> . . . bitches. – William Shakespeare

“Ha, retards…It was all a joke!” Stephan Hawkins.

I love juice! -Mel Gibson

Fix me the house specialty. Rasputin

“When you really think about it…..Socialism isn’t that bad…” – Rush Limbaugh

“Fuck tha police.” – Adolph Hitler

“I am the 99%.” – Warren Buffett

I see what you mean. Helen Keller

“There’s no evidence for any god or gods.” – Jesus

Crickey, that’s a pretty ray. Crocodile Hunter

He who loves 50 people has 50 hoes; he who loves no one has no hoes. – Buddha

“Size isn’t important.” – John Holmes

“To be or not to be. Who the fuck cares, anyway?” – Shakespeare

Ok I’ll buy that @King_Pariah. Up until this very moment I thought for sure and would have bet a plucked hen that Darth Vadar did in fact say “Luke… I am your father”.

Alas, at 1:43 on this video, I stand surprisingly corrected @King_Pariah.

I’ll take your word for the other quotes… as I slink away to console my shame

“Go away, young man!” – Horace Greeley

“Get your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore, the hell away from mine.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to Mexico or Guatemala,
I’m building a wall!” – Emma Lazarus

I was wrong. Rush Limbaugh

“The meek shall inherit the earth. Yeah right.” – Jesus

“How about a Big Mac, large fries – no, make that two large fries – and one of those fake milkshakes. Yeah, supersize the whole lot.” – Incendiary_Dan

“We’ll pray for you guys, but it looks like you’re toast.” – Apollo 13 Mission Control

“I love getting into it in stupid political discussions.” – Jeruba
“Grammar, schmammer. Fuck that shit.” – Gailcalled
“Fuck you and the horse you rode in on.” – Janbb
“Let’s stir up some shit in this place.” – Augustlan

Love you guys. Night, Adirondackwannabe.

“The sight of blood makes me feel woozy.” Prince Vlad Dracul

ni ni drack ; )

“Yellow Cab! What a great idea!” – Henry Ford

“I have no opinion on that.” – @CWOTUS

“I love you, you Jewish People! Lets sit around a fire and sing!” – Adolf Hitler

“God-dammit, why the hell am I in this dump?” -Jesus Christ

“Sorry guys, I was a dick.” – Hitler

You CAN always get what you want. – The Rolling Stones sitting still

“You should be careful about where you find your quotes on the internet.”
-Abraham Lincoln

“Live and let live, that’s what I always say.” – every political leader, ever.

@King_Pariah You can add: Play it again, Sam. —- Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca.

Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a flying fuck. —- Clark Gable in Gone With The Wind

Does my hair look alright? —- Donald Trump

Maybe I should dial down the crazy… —- Michelle Bachman

Let me keep this short… —-dalepetrie

If I am still playing rock and roll when I am 40, just shoot me. —- John Lennon

@filmfann . . . still too soon for the lennon crack :(

I don’t suffer from insanity… I enjoy every minute of it. – Van Goh, Ivan the Terrible, Hitler, King George III, Jeffrey Dahmer, <insert fruitcake name here>

@filmfann bad form on JL

“Mazel Tov!” – Hans Landa

Be of the world but not in it Jesus, God, Moses…one of those wise guys

Camilla has so much more sex appeal than Diana.
Prince Charles

Ah, I found what I was looking for.

@Blondesjon and @blueiiznh No one, but no one, misses Dr. Winston O’Boogie more than I.
I was looking for balance there, since I made several cracks against Fox morons.
And, for the record, I bet John would have laughed at that.

“Is it in yet?”—Ron Jeremy’s co-star

@filmfann . . . Hey man, whatever gets you through the night . . .

White is my favourite colour. Severus Snape

@filmfann true, but it still stings after my annual watching of Imagine last night

“Give war a chance.” – John Lennon
“Give peace a chance.” – P.J. O’Rourke

“On behalf of the German Wehrmacht, Luftwaffe and naval forces worldwide, I hereby unconditionally surrender.” – Hitler

“Yes, ma’am. Whatever you say.” – Alec Baldwin

“Where’s the beef”? – Ron Jeromy

“We must all tend each other’s gardens.” – Candide (Voltaire)

Osama bin Laden- I swear that isn’t my porn. I was just holding it for a friend.
Wife number 3— I warned you, you were getting too loud and they could hear you over the wall.
Wife number 1 – See this is the kind of shit that happens when you try to collect your virgins early.

Saddam Hussein – Hey guys this rope is a little snug. I yi, yi, yi, yi. Your pinching my neck. Ukhhhhhhhhhhhhh, kh, khhhhhhhhh

The women in this dance class are hot!

RICHARD SIMMONS

“Can you make it sort of like that? Okay, well give it your best try anyway.” – Captain Jean Luc Picard

“If I had a hammer, I’d fuck you up good, man.” – Pete Seeger

“Winning isn’t everything, but it sure is nice.” – Vince Lombardi

“The New York Jets suck. Rex Ryan is an idiot and a blowhard, and you can quote me.” – Bill Belichick

“Drugs are bad” – Timothy Leary

@filmfann Too soon on the dalepetrie remark. Just saying. Sniff.

Cwotus, I laughed. Now make me some tea. Herbal. Any temperature.

“I wish they all could be Massachusetts girls.” – The Beach Boys

“Ich bin ein jelly doughnut.” – JFK

“Turn on, tune in, drop out” – Glenn Beck

“Ron Paul? Are you kidding me? He’s delusional.” – @RealEyesRealizeRealLies

I am so fed up with this place, I hate fucking Fluther and I hope you all die and drift away.

AUGUSTLAN.

“I can laugh without peeing my pants” Whoopie Goldberg

Rebel, stop being such a fucking asshole and check your fucking typos, jerk.

GAILCALLED

“Just Do It” – Pope Benedict XVI

“I am a crook.” – Richard Nixon
“I am also a liar, and not half as bright as I fancy myself.”

“You stay right there sweetie while I go grab a condom” Jim Bob Duggar

“I’m never going to get drunk again, I promise. And this time I mean it for real.” – @Blondesjon

@CWOTUS . . . that’s an actual quote. ask the chick above you.

@zensky . . . dalepetrie was shot down in the prime of his life by some zealot? hilarious.

<————-“I’‘m never promise to get going again, I drunk”

@jonsblond Funny and topical.

That was my comment and my quote.

“Aw, the hell with this shit, Clarence. I’m going back to jump off that fucking bridge.” – Jimmy Steward as George Baily

“Take all the time you need to pay that back, George.” – Lionel Barrymore as Henry F. Potter

“Eat Me” – Jesus Christ

oh wait

“I’m gay.” – Hugh Hefner
“Me too. We’re getting married next week.” – Bob Guccione
“I’m going to be the maid of honor.” – Larry Flynt

“No meat for me please, I’m a vegetarian” Jeffrey Dahmer

You awake dude??

Netanyahu texting Achmendinijad

“I’d like the double Quarter-Pounder, please.” – Gandhi

“do wop do wop do wop do wop do wop doooo” – Pope Benedict XVI

Sh boom, sh boom.

Bin Ladin.

“Luau at my pad.” – Benny “Hill” Netanyahu

“Can’t we just all get along?” – Charles Manson

“Frankly, my dear, that news upsets me greatly. Let’s talk, okay? Can I rub your feet or something?” – Clark Gable as Rhett Butler

’‘Sure I can do lunch – let me check my solid gold sche… sh boom sh boom”

Khaddafi.

“Bacon cheeseburger, please, with extra bacon.” – Golda Meir

Hold the Fava beans.

Hannibal Lechter

Some of my best friends are Jewish.

CWOTUS

“I’ll email that right over” – Ted Kaczynski

Now where the Christ did I put that other tablet. – Moses

You may say I’m a dreamer
And I’m one of 99%
I hope one day you’ll join us
And the world will all be rich too… Alan Greenspan?

“I don’t know, uh, atoms and shit?” – Albert Einstein

“No” – Paris Hilton

“Boom! Headshot!” -Bin Laden

“108 responses and 8 GQs? Seriously? That’s way out of whack. Why so many GQs?” – @zensky

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all girls are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Intellect, Sobriety and the pursuit of Self-Improvement. -Lindsey Lohan

“Sure why not?” – The Republican Party

Lurve have inherent meaning. They are extremely important and do valuate a person. -@zensky

“Cunt.” – Romeo Montague

“We’re quitting our jobs at Twitter to make some much needed improvements and innovations to Fluther. Our aim is to make it as responsive to the needs of the jellies as Answerbag has been. Answerbag represents an ideal Q&A site model to us.” – Ben & Andrew

YOU ^#*&#($<em> $&#@ lame, stupid #(#(_#(! IDIOT!!!!!! Get the Q(#(#&@&! hell off Fluther!! -Augustlan

“Give me Liberty, or give me another beer!” – Patrick Henry

“Welcome to Fluther. I’d love to tell you how to get more followers on Tumblr. Here’s what you do…” – every jelly who’s been here for more than a day

“Ow Quiddit” – Amy Winehouse

(to a Jelly that asks relationship questions)

I understand. It is okay, you will be okay. Bad things happen to good people and I know life is not fair. Just find a happy place to be and everything will be okay. Yes, he might be flirting with another girl, but I know deep inside he loves you. Give yourself a hug and you’ll be okay. Honest. @RealEyesRealizeRealLies

“Courtney is my inspiration”- Kurt Cobain

“He’s definitely into you. There’s absolutely no doubt about it. You guys are made for each other.” – every jelly responding to every insecure teenage girl with a crush

“You just look at her with those smoldering good looks, you don’t say a word, and you just point to her, and then to your car, and she’s sure to follow.” – the response to the insecure boys

“Anyone have any good recipes for roasting a goose?” – Coloma

“We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special. ” – George W. Bush

Kids, what kids! I hate kids! -Michael Jackson, Sandusky, et al.

Just throw it into the microwave for few seconds with a sprinkle of salt -Kardamom

“I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I thought I could. I just can’t.” – The Little Engine That Thought It Could

“Oh fuck yeah that’s freaking AWESOME!!!” – Her Majesty the Queen

“txtspk s fine wit me bring it dude” – Jeruba

“Let there be dancing girls. With no tops, and hips to shake a milkshake on.” – God

“Help” – David Hasselhoff

I know the vampirish persona I walk around with in real life is just an act – Robert Pattinson

“Please?” – Quentin Tarantino

“I think I need to puke. I’m seasick” -Jacques Cousteau

I’ll use a pseudonym so everyone won’t know I’m really a girl. – Shakespeare

I’ll just write this one great quote and go to bed.

CWOTUS

I can’t wait until my 10K party!!! Whoo wee!! Who’s with me!? -Zen, et al.

sorry, couldn’t help it!

I’ll use a pseudonym so everyone won’t know I’m really a girl.

;-)

Zombies suck. -George Romero

Saying that really hurt me.

“My next remake will be The Wizard of Oz” – Rob Zombie

actually, that’d be pretty fucking sweet

Shit yeah. I’d watch that in a heartbeat. A robot guy with an axe, some evil bitch, twisters… Plus Toto. How can Rob NOT make something epic outta that? :D

Video games are the way of the future. -Jack Thompson

Xena is just some stupid dyke. Bores me to tears.

@Symbeline

Enough with all this gay shit already. Get thee to a church.

Simone_de_Boverated

@zensky That sounds like something Callisto would have said. (Xena’s arch nemesis) And she’s awesome. :D

Boobs? Pfft, I have no interest. -Zen

Even I can’t take that seriously. Boob fiend. :D

Edit- Corrected; he likes boobs.

♫Purple haze all in my brain
Lately things just don’t seem the same
Actin’ funny, but I don’t know why
‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy♫

Justin Bieber

♫Imagine all the people, living life in peace – You (hoo) may say, I’m a dreamer – but I’m not the only one. And no religion too.♫

NEWt GINGRICH ♥♥♥

Brother bought a Corona, he bought it for a dime
His sister had another one, she paid it for a lime.
She put the lime in the Corona, she drank them both up
She put the lime in the Corona, she drank them both up… Any Irishman

“I’m at a loss for words.” – Theodor Seuss Geisel

Hop on Mom.

Theodor Seuss Geisel

“I had one hell of a nightmare last night” – Martin Luther King

“Prefab homes and tract housing are the way to go.”
Frank Lloyd Wright

“Ya know, that’s good enough. Let’s go home early.”
Steve Jobs

“Wilson? WILSON?!?!”
Robinson Crusoe

“What this painting needs is less color and less texture.”
Claude Monet

“I cannot stand hyperbole.”
Stan Lee

“I’m singing bass in a barbershop quartet.”
Robert Plant

“Slavish replication of reality is the future of art.”
Salvador Dali

“I fucking hate puppets.”
Jim Henson

“Chocolate chip cookies do nothing for me.”
cprevite

The G-Spot does not exist! Dr. Ruth.

mmmm SWEET N LOW!!!

THE COOKIE MONSTER

“I haven’t come to bring peace, but a sword” – Jesus Christus.

Invent a meaning.
Use any spelling you like.
If I know what I mean, so does everyone else.
Don’t like the noun? Make it a verb.
Apostrophe’s’s’? Sprinkle like salt.
Its’ all good and very unique.

Gailcalled

“Some people need to quit hogging threads.” -Everyone on this thread.

Suomen on muiden kuin juovat ja simpletons. – @Blondesjon

Blondsjon koskaan saa minut nauramaan @Milo

Waaah Waaah – I’m a mature jelly and flow like water… lurve to everyone here.

@Keep_on_running

Tämä johtuu siitä, kissat eivät ole sielua. -Roy Horn

“I have no sense of humor” janbb.

“No, please don’t hurt us! Here, take our wallets and our Social Security cards, but just don’t hit us!”

-Squint Eastwood, Ahnold Shortzkegger, and Chuck Norris pleading for their lives when being threatened by big, bad Jon Lovitz. ;-o

Yiddish is a horrid language and there is no place for it here, or anywhere.

@janbb

Cat’s have souls and have at least nine lives in fact.

@Blondesjon (from Milo)

“Dead, dead, they’re ALL dead!”
Colomas quoate of ” The great Mt. Aukum chicken massacre” in 1998

“Beef. It’s what’s for dinner.” – Colonel Sanders

Cat’s (sic) always misplace apostrophes. @Milo

Did you Finish? No, I’m Danish.

A young male escort to a client in a hotel in Helsinki.

“Let he who is without sin be my designated driver.” -Jesus F. Christ after getting wasted at the Last Supper.

Tom Cruise as Lt. Kaffee- “I want the truth!”
Jack Nicholson as Col. Jessep- “I can’t tell you the truth because my mom said she’d give such a spanking if I ever got court martialed!”

Whew, just had a great workout! – augustlan

Get mel gibson on the phone, I’m making a movie about ww2.
Tom Cruise.

I blame spellcheck.
Thomas Jefferson

Exploring old Viking ruins? Avalon? Fuck that; Imma chill. -Lara Croft

“Blueberries SUCK” -blueberry_kid

“It’s Sunday, so I’m going to confession.” – L. Ron Hubbard

“I love you Charlie Brown. Will you marry me?” -Lucy, the Peanuts

“We won! We’re Number One!” – Charlie Brown

“Could I get that with a side order of Kryptonite”? – Superman

“Listen, Joe. We’re going to go in a different direction in the campaign for my second term. There’s a lot of wisdom in what she says. I’m going to demand that Michele Bachmann be my running mate. Thanks for your support; I hope I can count on your vote next year.” – Barack Obama

“Bitches ain’t shit.” – Mary Wollstonecraft

“Go, Navy!” – Dwight Eisenhower
“Go, Army!” – Chester Nimitz

“Governemnt is the solution to the problem” @CWOTUS

Too much of a good thing shouldn’t be allowed. Mae West

I went with a PC over the MAC, Apples aren’t my thing.
Sir Issac Newton

“I love Microsoft products of all kinds. I use Office every day.” – Larry Ellison
“There is no better database than Oracle.” – Bill Gates
“Open source is the way to go.” – Steve Jobs

Ow, ow, Too deep, ow. Too hard. Gentler, zen, gentler. Watch it!

Augustlan

“Nah, fuck it. Adolph gets a gift this year too.” – Santa

“Happy Thanksgiving, Pilgrims.” – John Wayne at the first Thanksgiving.

“You know what? Screw Apple!!! I’m using a Microsoft. iPods suck ass man!” -Steve Jobs

“It’s going to be a great day!” – Eeyore

“Who’s your favorite American movie star? I quite liked Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. She’s hot!” – Osama bin Laden

Get the hell off my lawn, you little pieces of shit! -Mr.Roger

Welcome to Sweet Cuddle Wuddle Club. First rule of Cuddle Club is: you talk about Cuddle Club. The second rule of Cuddle Club is: you MUST talk about Cuddle Club! Third rule of Cuddle Club: someone yells “don’t stop!”, goes limp, cries out, the Cuddle is never over. Fourth rule: as many people as possible to a cuddle. Fifth rule: one cuddle at a time, fellas. Sixth rule: No shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: Cuddles will go on as long as you want to. And the eighth and final rule: if this is your first time at Cuddle Club, you don’t have to cuddle.
– Tyler Durden

“The flight attendants on American are fucking hot! I’d do anything for them. All they gotta do is ask.” – Alec Baldwin

“Did you see the fuckin’ tits on that?” – Pope John Paul II

“No, I did not rape and murder a little girl in 1990. (off-mic: not in that order)” – Glenn Beck

“Come in, come in gentlemen it’s good to see you”—Osama Bin Laden

Boycott Disney!! -Elton John

Ye, just go on through, man. -Gandalf

“I’m not perfect.” – Any US presidential candidate.

Fuck you. And fuck her, too.

Barry Manilow.

“Excuse me…” – Bette Midler

“I don’t mean to interrupt. May I have a word here? – Bill O’Reilly

Let me get you the name of my therapist. Mel Gibson

Let me get that phone for you. Russell Crowe.

Y’all come back next year. Jim Jones

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!” -Ronald McDonald

@linguaphile I was just thinking I love dogs, Wicked Witch of the West.

“Are you ready for some football?” – Lady Gaga

@Adirondackwannabe grin!

Hey, start up that bulldozer and lets knock down 100 acres of trees today! -John Muir

I love a rainy day. The Tin Man

I love rainy days and Mondays… -The Wicked Witch of the West

I am the champion of Christmas! – Son Goku

“I don’t feel like playing today.” – Ernie Banks

“Dear diary, today was a great day
Bought myself a brand new horse
She’s strong and fast and so very beautiful
and just a little wild of course
I know tomorrow I can tame her
If I only believe
Wish me luck diary,
Christopher Reeve
”
– Christopher Reeeve

A brave man keeps his head when others lose theirs, Ichabod Crane

“I am Spartacus.” – Bruce Wayne
“I am Spartacus.” – Clark Kent
“I am Spartacus.” – The Lone Ranger
“Tony Curtis is Spartacus. Crucify him, not me.” – Kirk Douglas

That seared Sonoma foie gras with mission fig and a balsamic reduction was a delight. -Jeff Foxworthy

Oh, I agree! -PETA member

“Meow!” – Willow

“Ruff! Ruff!” – Milo

Losing!

Eight Supreme Court judges shouldn’t be deciding policy. Rick Perry
For our international jellies the Supreme Court has nine judges.

“w00t!” – Tony Soprano

“Just stop it.” – Nike

“Forgiving is for pussies” – Milo.

Slow down I’m enjoying the scenery. George Patton

Bitch stole my fish – Obama to Palin

Lend me an ear Vincent Van Gogh

@ragingloli It wouldn’t surprise me if Kakarot actually did say that though.

Goku! -Vegita

“I was listening carefully to the Republican candidate debates the other night, and they made a lot of sense to me. It’s too bad they’re over; I’d like to hear more.” – @ragingloli

“Slow down. They just want a couple of pictures for Christ’s sake.” – Lady Di

“No, I don’t like that dress. It’s too garish.” – Lady Gaga

“Which one of you little cocksuckers spilled sugar all over the kitchen?” – Mary Poppins

Let’s stand our ground on this issue! Barack Obama
President Obama any Republican candidate

“Dear Diary,
Today, I walked outside, and said hi to Adolf Hitler.
I didn’t have the urge to kiss a boy today.
I hate Jews. I’m not scared of the Nazi’s.

P.S.- I just read Mien Kampf. Pretty damn good!”

-Anne Franke

” I won’t be back.” -Arnold Schwartzenager (spelling?)

“Vegetables are a girl’s best friend.” – Marilyn Monroe

@blueberry_kid LMAO on Anne Franke. XD

I’ll respect you in the morning. Ron Jeremy.

Dear diary,
today was a good day
Papa and I picked wild flowers
Mama joined and we lay in the sunshine
Then we sang and danced for hours
I know tomorrow will be even better
So the good lord I thank
I’ll write more later
Love, Anne Frank

“My way or the highway.” – Burger King

I could really use a Big Mac, extra cheese. Gandhi

From a runaway fake quote session with my kids… we got:

(singing) “She’s a Brick House!” – Ru Paul
“The wind blew my candle out!” -Elton John
“This shit really burns”—herpes commercial
“Anyone have a hair straightener?” Little Richard
“That make up’s a little overdone, don’t you think dahlin’?” -Tammy Faye Baker
“Your forehead’s too big to be a model” -Tyra Banks
“I always have a spare pair of undies with me” -Lindsey Lohan
“Locks of Love?” -Britney Spears
“Hold on, I need to move and get a better reception…” -the Verizon Guy
“It’s just a game.” Bear Bryant, upon losing to Auburn
“You’re a fuc*in’ idiot.” Thumper, to Bambi
“I’m full.” -The Very Hungry Caterpillar

“Are you ready for some football?” – Hank Williams, Jr.

“Fuck it! I’ll do it live, then!!” – Rachel Maddow.

@linguaphile Love the Verizon Wireless one! Hahaha!

I have a correction to make. Goku did say ‘I am the champion of Christmas’.

“Let’s call and see if anyone’s home first.” Attila the Hun

“Fact from diction, truth from fiction.” – HypocrisyCentral

“F@%# this shit!” attributed to Cookie Monster after walking off the set of “Cookie loves carrots” take #47

“It’s such an amazing universe we live in. We are all made of star stuff…..” – Kim Kardashian.

I am not falling for that question; I don’t want world peace. – Miss World 2012

“I’d like to buy the world a Pepsi.” – anonymous CGI polar bear
“Things go better with Coke.” – Britney Spears (Notwithstanding that she may have actually said that, albeit with a lower-case ‘c’.)

Lol! @ anonymous CGI polar bear.

“Let’s go get ready for church, guys. Meanwhile, I’ll look for my bible and cut my hair. I might even decide to grow for a change.” -Snooki

@blueberry_kid! I haven’t seen you in a while- Glad to see you!

“Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see.”
Arthur Schopenhauer

“Nothing is like it seems”
Not sure, probably Christopher Pike, but I once read somewhere that it was uttered by an American President shortly before he died

“Be utterly happy for not having tried drugs, for if you tried them you’d be utterly happy”
Myself

“My little pussycat, where are you? – Here I am, honey! – Oh, stfup, I’m looking for my cat!”
One of my countrymen to his cat and to his wife