I have learned and grown from each relationship, but I was making poor choices because I had low expectations for myself based on self-esteem issues from childhood abuse.
After my last long-term relationship ended, I chose to do as witchhazel said and focused on myself and my son. I have learned, from myself and the men I’ve loved, that it really is true that you cannot fully love and be loved until you truly love yourself. If you doubt you worthiness of love and happiness, you will continually doubt your beloved’s feelings and intentions.
I have worked hard to forgive myself for my mistakes, to accept myself as I am, to truly practice what I preach, to be grateful for all that is good in my life, and to be proud for all I have overcome and accomplished. And now I can honestly say that I love myself.
When I chose to start dating again, I came up with the motto: High Standards, Low Expectations. I also vowed to always be myself so as not to establish any false pretenses, and to never settle. I met some nice guys, and dated some for a bit, I even gave one guy 2 chances because of extenuating circumstances. But once I knew that a guy couldn’t reciprocate the level of honesty and openness and dedication that I offer, I ended it. I wouldn’t prolong the inevitable just to have someone to go out with on Saturday night.
Now I’ve met a man who is the first that I can call a real man. He has made mistakes in his life and has learned from them. He has made mistakes in our relationship and has sincerely apologized and made actual changes to his behavior… not just said I’m sorry to kiss ass and then resume the same actions. He has also forgiven me the mistakes I’ve made. We communicate about everything, even if it feels uncomfortable, because we see our relationship as a work in progress. We truly love each other and are making a conscious effort NOT to repeat the mistakes of our pasts, because we want to get it right this time and feel that we deserve our best effort.