Social Question

kalambmitty's avatar

Should I block off a friend who lied about a death of another friend?

Asked by kalambmitty (72points) December 22nd, 2011
14 responses
“Great Question” (2points)

I have this friend with some serious issues. I’ve done my best to help him overcome this. I haven’t heard from him in a while.
About a couple months ago I got a text from another friend telling me that he died. I was completely devastated. However, about two months ago I saw him at the mall!
I tried to call the friend who told me about his supposed death. She never returned my calls nor has she made any attempt to contact me. I believe I deserve an apology from her, but I’m not sure if I should completely cut her off. What do you think?

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JLeslie's avatar

If she is not getting back to you I guess there is not much you can do anyway. Maybe she did not purposely lie, maybe someone told her he was dead.

chyna's avatar

She doesn’t sound like she is a close friend since you can’t get in contact with her. Her information was incorrect for whatever reason, but do you need to contact her about it?
I’d just leave it alone and if you run into her, discuss it, but leave her alone for now.

everephebe's avatar

Soap? Wash behind the ears?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Wow, what? Why would anyone do that? Of course block them off.

augustlan's avatar

Without knowing if this was an honest mistake or a purposeful lie, I wouldn’t burn any bridges. If you see or talk to this friend, find out what happened, then make your decision.

ohVaNiLLaGoRiLLa's avatar

That is very strange for them to tell you this information and then not be able to get in contact with them again. I would not find them a very good friend if I could not get in contact with them for a long period of time unless there was a good reason. If they will not contact you just let it go. Your friend is alive just be thankful for that.

lillycoyote's avatar

If she doesn’t return your calls then you’re not the one cutting her off. If you do get back in contact I think, though you may not be owed an apology, I think you deserve an explanation. How would you know if you deserve an apology if you don’t know what happened. Maybe someone told him that your friend died and he was just relaying to you what he thought was the truth. You should find out exactly what the story is, I think, before you decide what to do about it.

Ayesha's avatar

That is a horrible thing to do. Very insensitive of her. If she somehow manages to call you then demand and explanation followed by an apology. If she doesn’t give you anything, cut her off. Why anyone would do such a thing, is beyond my understanding.

Earthflag's avatar

It’s no big deal. Block her if you want to. If you are asking a question about it, you obviously don’t really want to. If you did, you would block her right away.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’d mentally shuffle her off to the acquaintance circle instead of who you consider friends. That’s a terrible thing to lie about, I can’t think about what it would serve anyone but bad.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

It depends how she meant it. This is the problem with text—you can’t hear tone of voice. If she was just joking, it could look like you are overreacting if you are demanding an apology.

Why do I say this? ‘Cause I can totally see myself saying something like “I haven’t heard from Geoff in a while. He must have died or something!” as a joke. (I made that name up).

Another possibility is that… maybe she really did think he died. Maybe someone told her he died. Maybe it was assumed he died because he was MIA. He certainly seems MIA to you as you claim to have seen him at the mall about two months ago and you haven’t heard from him in a while, so why wouldn’t he seem MIA to others as well? Is it really so unreasonable for her to assume he is dead if he had serious issues and seems to have dropped off the face of the planet? Even you haven’t heard from him in a while (you said so yourself), so what proof do you have that he is still alive? Did she tell you that he died before or after you saw him?

Before you cut her off for good, find out if it was a) an honest mistake, b) a joke because your friend hadn’t heard from him in a long time, c) a lie, or d) the truth.

Whatever you do, don’t assume the worst or treat this person you call your friend like you have assumed the worst. Give her the benefit of the doubt. If you don’t, you may find that she does not want to speak to you… at all, ever.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

I’m not sure if posting twice in a row is a good idea on this site… it’s probably not recommended, but my editing period for my last answer is over and something else occurred to me.

She texted you. You tried to call her… more than once.

Maybe she prefers text messages. Maybe you called her at times when it was not convenient for her to pick up and she had no idea what you wanted to tell her.

Maybe you should have sent her a text saying “But how can he be dead? I just saw him while I was at the mall!”

This would have (hopefully) given you answers that provided more closure for yourself:

1) Why she made the claim in the first place.

2) Possible surprise… and maybe even relief on her part.

It might be too late to ask that now, though. After all, about 2 months ago… when was that? October something? Is this time of year really a good time to be trying to get in touch with her to force an apology out of her over this issue? Tomorrow is Christmas Day and it will be 2012 soon.

kalambmitty's avatar

Thank You everyone for your thoughts and opinions!

Well just to give you all a little update:
I told my friend about what I was told when I saw him at the mall and he jokingly assured me that he was alive. Plus he mentioned some things that made me believe the girl told me that lie to initially hurt me. (some “friend”. i treated her like my sister!)
I did get in contact with her and asked for an explanation, but she didn’t bother. She wouldn’t give me an answer.

. . .yup and that’s how it ends.

AnonymousWoman's avatar

You’re welcome, I’m sure, from all of us. ^_^

That doesn’t sound too good. :(

Well, if it was after, you definitely know it’s not true… and you can be grateful he is still alive, even if you never hear from that other girl again. :)

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