@comity – Hmm. I don’t know. If your grand son is 11, then I’m guessing in this day and age that your son and DIL are over 40. I tend to think that its probably not your place to try to direct your son and DIL, especially if they are older parents. Perhaps, you could politely drop a comment like “It must be hard to balance avoiding difficult situations that might potentially lead to prejudicial treatment and helping to maintain your son’s confidence by facing the world head on.” However, if you do drop some thing like that, it is probably for your own comfort. Don’t expect any changes or acknowledgement. And, if you say it more than once, I think you’ve stepped into the realm of the pushy grandmother. :-) Anyway, I don’t mean to say that I disagree with your goal or that your son might be causing more trouble, but I just think that these types of things are kind of personal matters. I tend to think that saying something could perhaps lead to weakening those always tender “in law” bonds. So, I would perhaps be cautious. Anyway, I suppose I also want to emphasize that it can be hard to really appreciate the issues others are dealing with. Maybe, some folks have faced more prejudices than others. Maybe, some folks are better able to cope with prejudices too. I like to hold my head high and fight through things. But, it does not mean that it always works and that the outcome is always positive and safe. And, it does not mean that everyone should have to do that. The situation is the problem. It is kind of hard to put high expectations on folks to “handle” the problem in some strong way. I think shy folks or folks with other values/views might have difficulty to do something like that… while they might fair better by teaching the child to be strong, it is hard for me to place too much fault on them. Anyway, I am just saying to be mindful of their situation and to realize that you don’t necessarily understand it, and, of course that it is really mostly their business. Of course, you try to help your own family, but still keeping in mind the lines of responsibility, etc. Anyway, best of luck to ya.
@JLeslie—Hi there too. I think my reply is similar to what I said to comity. I think the problem is the situation, and not how folks handle the situation. Many folks are different. Some are shy and briliant, some are loud and proud, among many other ways of behaving. And, we all face different people and circumstances that affect us. So, I would not be too down on your husband’s brother. Then again, I also do think that many folks wallow in problems of all kinds. I think ALL problems are best faced head on. One should strive to lean into difficulties and not to hide from them. Sometimes, people that feel much prejudice around them are perhaps not fighting enough to find the positive. So, I think they can likely best be served by adjusting. But, I still think it is hard to be too down on them… when the root of the problem is outside of them… And, especially, when such problems are real and serious problems like these.