I am 45. I was never someone who obsessed with appearances, because as a teen my parents didn’t have money to buy the designer jeans that had just become all the rage; plus I was already curvier than my peers and very self-conscious with low self-esteem. In my 20s and 30s, I was struggling with depression and progressive weight gain. I had my son at 25, so he is nearly 21. I also made it through college and grad school and started my career 20 years ago. All these things took priority in my life over the superficialities of appearances.
Around the age of 40, I made breakthroughs in my mental health and found a sense of confidence that I’d never had before. I’ve learned that confidence is the most attractive feature on a person. I am significantly overweight, but I take care of my health, and my skin and hair, and I wear clothes that are appropriate for my size. People tell me that I look at least 10 years younger.
I live in New Jersey, and I see far too many people who are obsessed with appearances. I recall waiting to pick my son up from his 8th grade school dance, and seeing a mom and her 8th grade daughter in matching mini-skirts with Ugg boots—Ugh indeed. Why is a woman who was clearly over 30 trying to dress herself and her pre-teen daughter as if they were both Playboy bunnies? I don’t grasp the mindset. And they had a huge Hummer too, of course. I see women my age with tough, wrinkled skin from tanning, and then they try to cover it with makeup, botox and surgery and they look frightening, and they still try to dress like 23-year-olds. It even more creepy when I see men with dyed hair, plucked eyebrows and botox.
I am fortunate that I found a man who finds me attractive because he sees the good qualities in my appearance, but he also sees my character and loves me for who I am. He tells me on a regular basis that I’m sexy, when my “pleasingly plump” form is a far cry from the cover models’. He sees me as sexy because he sees all of me… he sees and knows how comfortable I am in my own skin, a quality that most young women – no matter how hot they are – don’t have.