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Blueroses's avatar

Would you care to share your Dog Dammit! moments?

Asked by Blueroses (18251points) January 13th, 2012
21 responses
“Great Question” (4points)

Today, I made a big batch of pastry dough and left it resting on the counter while I ran to the corner store (5 minutes, tops). I came back and the bowl is empty. That was 4.5 Cups of raw flour, 2 Cups of lard… one belching Golden Retriever.

Torn between screaming and laughing, I thought I’d ask for your Oh, My Dog! Stories. Can you remind me why we love these creatures?

I don’t mean to discriminate. Cat Dammit or Kid Dammit stories are also welcome.

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SpatzieLover's avatar

Thanksgiving a few years back:

Our old dog, Mikey was a turkey hound. He’d wake up and go straight to the oven on Turkey Day, staring at it and crying for hours. Everytime we’d open the oven to baste or check he’d do what we called the “hunting” yip and then begin to cry louder.

This particular year, we also had a pom-a-poo, Lily. She was rapidly losing weight from polycystic kidney disease. She was thrilled to eat every other day at this point in time.

Lily and Mikey were excited to see our aunt come to dinner. They sat with her and cuddled while we put out some hors d’oeuvres for our aunt to enjoy while we prepared the platters for supper.

Dinner time comes. We’re all enjoying our supper…almost at the same time we all say “It’s odd that Mikey’s stopped crying. He hasn’t had his supper yet”.

I got up to check on the pups. There was Lily, standing on the coffee table (she must’ve jumped from the sofa over to the table, as the table was too high for her to reach any other way). She was taking hors d’oeuvres one at a time in her mouth and gently allowing Mikey to take them from her.

The two were so involved in their treats that they didn’t notice us watching them until I began to take photos. Now that both are gone, it’s one of the most delightful memories we have.

rebbel's avatar

Cat Dammit(-ish)
Three and a half weeks ago our pussycat died.
My ex-girlfriend’s children had met her a few times in the previous years and they were astonished by the damage a cat can cause, and they were asking about her every now and then, when I was visiting them.
Today me and my girlfriend were visiting my ex and her children and I told them about Pinnie being gone.
To which her son replied: “Well, she won’t tear your wallpaper up anymore then….”.
Sweeeet :-)

Blackberry's avatar

I left for work at 12:30, and I forgot the turkey I was going to take with me, which is now on my counter instead of a fridge. I don’t get home until 8. Will it still be good? I just bought it and that would be a waste of 7 dollars ><

john65pennington's avatar

Great Pyreneese moment. Left to go visit some friends. My Great was left in one bathroom, since she is a puppy and weighes 70 pounds! We shut the door in hopes of keeping her contained, until we came back.

Oh! What a sight!

Our bathroom had been “rolled” by a Great. Not one roll, but four, Toilet paper was everywhere. And, did I mention she chewed a small hole in my shaving cream can and it was all over the floor and all over her. She looked like a goat dog with a mustache. A rug had been chewed to shrewds and she fell in love with toothpaste.

Have you ever had a love/hate relation with something? This is the feeling I have with my goat dog Maggie. She is a love heart, having her greet you at full gallop and 70 pounds can be a heart-stopper.

I need to invest in Pedigree stock. This dog never stops eating.

We attempted to clip her nails and she peed on the floor from excitement.

I have no choice but to keep her. My wife said I will go before Maggie!

MilkyWay's avatar

We had a puppy four years back that we had adopted. It used to wee all around the lawn and it once peed on myself. It had a doghouse outside which we used to chain him to when he was naughty. Once, all of us were going out to dinner, and after making sure he was fed and had water, we chained him up and left. When we came back, we found him tied to the doghouse with a rope and a very angry neighbour waiting for us. The guy told us that our puppy (pup) somehow managed to get free of the chain and went around people’s gardens urinating all over the place. Oh my pup.
I miss him.

Blueroses's avatar

Oh no! @john65pennington Such a vivid image! There’s that brief moment between serenity and fury when you open the door… your cute pet scoots past you without stopping to say “hello” ... and you just know the next sight you see will raise your blood pressure.

Blondesjon's avatar

On a bitterly cold January evening, about a year ago, I was outside peeing with my two blue heelers, Bear and Spot. We live out in the country so I sometimes relieve myself along with them. I think it helps us to bond as a pack, plus we only have one bathroom and sometimes, well, you just gotta go.

Since we live in a rural area we have a television antennae mounted on a twelve foot tall aluminum tower that happens to sit in the general area of where the dogs and I like to do our business. On this particular evening I had partaken in a few adult beverages so I was a bit unsteady on my feet. While I was urinating by the tower I stumbled forward a bit and when I went to straighten up realized that the end of my penis had frozen to the aluminum. I immediately tried to pull back and found, with great discomfort, that this was not an option.

I would like to take a moment to explain here that I was not dressed in any way for an extended stay outside where the temperature was -1 and the wind was blowing a good 20 miles an hour. I was wearing sweats, a t-shirt, stocking cap, and coat that I had haphazardly thrown on before heading out with the mutts.

My first thought was that I could just pee some more and thaw myself that way. It turns out that my “pee hole” was the part of my junk that was frozen on the tower and the only result was some of the fiercest pain I have ever experienced in my groin, bar none. Try finding a tiny cork and plug up your urethra sometime, it’s unforgettable.

While all of this was going on I began to really start feeling the sub-zero cold and realized for the first time that I may be in some real trouble. @jonsblond was in the house watching a movie in the bedroom and I wasn’t even sure she knew that I had come outside. Yelling for help was out of the question because the house is brick and incredibly well insulated. When it’s shut up tight for the winter you can’t even hear the wind howling outside. Straight up panic hadn’t set in yet but it was lingering close by. I tried to apply some of my saliva to the affected area but the cold immediately robbed it of whatever thawing properties it may have had. This is when I remembered the Milk Bones in my coat pocket.

I always take a couple of treats with me when I go out with the dogs to reward them for doing their number ones and number twos where it is acceptable, instead of in the house. The two of them were sitting about three feet away from me and staring expectantly, wondering when I was going to stop fucking around and give them their due for being such good boys. My desperate, and admittedly less than sober mind, struck upon a brilliant idea. I would chew up some of the Milk Bone and then apply it to my tortured member. When the dogs came to lick it off I would (did I mention they’re droolers?) be free and we could get back in where it was not five billion degrees below zero and my dick wasn’t stuck like Flick’s tongue in A Christmas Story.

I took a bite of the treat and chewed, mildly wondering what the hell Bear and Spot saw in them. They taste like shit covered cardboard. Once I had masticated it to a paste like consistency I applied it to my tortured member and whistled for Bear hoping to a God I don’t believe in (c’mon what God would let this happen?) that nobody with a camera would pop out of the bushes a yell, “Gotcha!”

Bear wandered over, a bit uncertain, and then sniffed at the source of my current problem. Once he had deemed it Canine Kosher he took a might lick and instantly found his tongue stuck to the antennae alongside my now numb (and was it actually turning blue?) penis. He tried to pull away as I had and, when he became aware that he was stuck, uttered a sorrowful, “MARF!”.

This caused Spot, the more high strung of the two litter mates, to begin barking crazily in a high pitched barkbarkbarkbarkbark that traveled up the base of my spine to my brain and finally drove me over the edge in to complete panic. My penile predicament was driven entirely from my mind and all I could think of was shutting the fucking dog up. I randomly reached in to the pocket of my coat and my hand closed around a hard object that felt like it was up to the task. I whipped it at Spot and realized , as soon as it left my hand, that I had just thrown my cell phone at the dog. Bear tried to call me an idiot but all that would come out was another, “MARF!”.

I uttered a sobby, breathless, “Fuck!” and knew that I was going to have to do some serious damage to my manhood. All of the times I had told anybody to quit fucking around and “just rip it off, like a band-aid” came back to haunt me as I steeled myself for judgement day. That’s when @jonsblond stepped in to my view holding a steaming glass of water and a tired look on her face.

She quickly freed both Bear and myself from our icy prison and turned to go back in the house, but not before she had muttered, “I told you this would happen someday.”

YARNLADY's avatar

Edit ^^ after that one, I can hardly push the answer button.

We have those frequently. My dog thinks anything on the floor is his, and he has learned to tip plates so the food falls on the floor. He steals from the preschoolers plates right out of their lap, since they prefer to eat sitting in a recliner. We always have to put him out.

AmWiser's avatar

@Blondesjon ought to quit. I haven’t heard a whopper of story like that since the Cake in the Frizzer! But it was funny anyway.:DDD

Coloma's avatar

Oh man, I have several, but, one premiere moment was with my old hound dog ” Ruckus” a monster coonhound. Yes, I had no idea what I was getting into with a giant hound dog. lol
He was the food stealer from hell and that dog would jump into a burning building if he smelled something good to eat.
Along with swiping a cooling 3 lb. pork roast off the counter which landed him in the vets for 2 days on IV’s for pancreatitis, he devoured my daughters easter basket one year. and his coupe de gras, lifetime food stealing achievment award was his raid on an innocent families picnic. lol

I was walking with him one day on a pretty remote trail up in the mountains near a lake and thought it would be okay to let him off leash to run some.
Big mistake!
He was fine for about 45 seconds and then, boom…he picked up a scent and was off at a full run. A minute goes by and I hear him wailing and baying and go running after him, to discover him down in a campsite alternately baying and gargling plates of potato salad and chicken while the terrified campers huddled behind their trailer.

Apparently he just barged into their campsite, howled like a maniac and went for the plates of food while they ran off.
I have never been so humiliated in my life!
I drug him off with profuse apologies while these poor stunned people just stood there looking at their lunch scattered all over the ground.

Bad dog, BAD!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Family gathered at bro-in-law & sis-in-law’s house for backyard bbq ribs. They put their pet lab in the garage to keep him from under foot but they also had 13lbs of ribs defrosting in there too. The dog ate the frozen ribs, styrofoam packing trays, plastic wrap and all.

Coloma's avatar

Never get a dog that is near face level with counters and tables and over 4 feet tall when they stand on their hind legs. haha

Blueroses's avatar

I went to visit some friends and my friend’s dog ate a rope of garlic.

That was a looong ride home with the windows open.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Blondesjon That is one of the craziest stories I’ve ever read on Fluther. Bravo.

jazmina88's avatar

I just snorted when I read Blondesjon! That is some way funny stuff :)

Coloma's avatar

Great stories….very funny!
I should mention that I did have my hound in obedience classes which is no small accomplishment for hounds.
He failed, miserably, with one of the final tests, to remain in a sit/stay position while a baggy full of treats was shaken in front of the dogs faces.
It took him weeks to not lunge for the bag, and on the final day of class he barely passed, straining for the bag, but no lunging.

That’s as good as it gets for a hound. lol
I should also mention the time he stole my 4 year old daughters muffin she brought home with her from a restaurant and was so excited to have after her nap.
Needless to say the “muffin incident” was a source of great trauma to her and she still tells the story at age 24.
She was devastated to find out her muffin was pilfered by the dog and was inconsolable.

Talk about being the bearer of bad news. haha

I used to joke about the dog being her sibling as she was an only child.
There was a constant stream of complaints about her “brother”...” Moooooom, Ruckus is BEGGING again!”
“Moooom, Ruckus won’t quit staring at me ” snack in hand of course
” Mooom, make Ruckus go lie down!” lol
Fun to relive those memories. :-)

Blackberry's avatar

Oops, I didn’t read the details thoroughly again. :/

Blondesjon's avatar

@Blackberry . . . slacker

gailcalled's avatar

Last night while I was on the treadmill, humming along, I heard an alarming crash and clank. Then, having a good sight line, I notice MIlo rushing out of my laundry room.

After I finished the exercise unit and went to investigate, I saw that he had leapt from set tub to filing cabinet to op storage shelf and then into a small opening in the dropped drywall ceiling.

He brought down several 2’ x 4’ tiles along with the metal supports that kept them in place. Being cheap drywall, they cracked and broke.

Milo here: I thought that was a job well done…efficient, thorough, quick and expensive to repair.

gailcalled's avatar

edit: top storage shelf

MilkyWay's avatar

@Blondesjon Man, you had me in stitches.

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